Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML
Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
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Top comments
vucui 21
Well, that's a dick move.
ItsAUnicorn 27
Was it a vanilla milkshake?
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Comments (183)
ItsAUnicorn 27
Was it a vanilla milkshake?
hghrider123456 9
Lets hope he dident shake his vanilla into her smoothie
Kamon97 23
Better hope it wasn't lemon aid either!
jw90 18
No it was chocolate
ThatFancyPenn 18
It was a smoothie. You're thinking of a milkshake
eddeeezzyy 19
Or suspicious clear-looking liquid...
mikepzz 27
What exactly clear suspicious looking liquids does your body secrete ?
vucui 21
Well, that's a dick move.
silvercamaro 22
That's punny
solesamurai 3
Son of a bitch
ilmanator 7
Well played.
CrazyJolteon 0
That's a win
penguin182 18
Yummy!!
leonchen7498 12
JUST NO.
Pilkipedia 8
Do you like fish sticks?
mmyoung979 14
Ha, this comment got buried. Just like that guy's dick in her smoothie.
cupcakegirl0424 27
Bro that's gross
pdp_fml 21
That's terrible. Stop accepting the smoothies unless he drinks some too.
BobbiLove 10
I'm sure he wouldn't care if his own dick was in it, so it wouldn't prove anything.
AholeCop 11
#24, Call me old-fashioned but I typically refrain from drinking liquids that I put my dick in.
Dracoboxer357 36
How about stop accepting drinks, or even salutations from him at all, just on principle? My self respect alone would accept nothing less, especially since I've yet to order any drink with an extra shot of penis in it. :p
mFUNdo21 17
next time, ask him to bring you a steaming hot cup of coffee instead
reymon8823 24
#43 do you eat your girlfriend out? If so then you put your mouth where your dicks been
GLaDOS_cake 6
I eat my girlfriend out but she's staying a virgin til marriage so just because you eat a girl out doesn't mean you put your mouth where your dick has been
maddog1234 9
#43 Also, has your girlfriend given you a ********? Have you kissed her since then? If so then you have put your mouth where your dick has been.
TattooInvasion 14
#105, lick it before you stick it. eat out before sex. Then I really hope your girlfriend showers before the next session. There is just something about tasting secretions that's very nausiating to me.
TattooInvasion 14
#163 - scope? no? she doesn't brush her teeth?
AholeCop 11
I specifically said 'drink a liquid' to avoid all these obvious sex questions. But no, I don't make out with people after they blow me, or eat out after sticking my dick somewhere. Call it personal preference, but I avoid tasting my own genitals.
brewmasterg 34
You have terrible coworkers.
jarockstar27 10
Sad part is OP isn't the only person with coworkers like this.....I could see mine doing the same thing! *shiver*
AGB10 19
Banana split smoothie?
happle 21
I'm sure she split his banana upon finding this out.
Enslaved 38
Don't forget the added yogurt! :P
masqu123 5
"Banana spit"
gemini3196130 4
I definitely would have for sure. Just sick
ElephantCraze22 17
It is hilarious... Though still very inappropriate. Just hope he didn't pee or.. something in it too.
Dracoboxer357 36
Because him essentially washing his dick in her daily drink wasn't bad enough? ;p That thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth....metaphorically. ;P
TheDrifter 24
Added protein, no extra charge? What a sweet guy.
Enslaved 38
I'm picturing more of a-- salty guy.
TheDrifter 24
Sweet and salty, the chocolate covered pretzel of smoothie givers.
sciullo 14
Next time tell him to try it, how they're always excellent and you wonder if he's ever enjoyed them himself.
hghrider123456 9
Is his name Perdix?
TheDrifter 24
Do this is Perdix's new project? Subliminal messaging to get OP to associate the taste of his Dick with her favorite smoothie? Well played.