Work: Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him....

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 392

You deserved it 36 001

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Same thing different taste

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 546

You deserved it 5 912

Honey…

By greenintheface - 30/04/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 718

You deserved it 4 099

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 996

You deserved it 1 857

By Martine624 - 07/05/2015 21:56 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 3 469

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 295

You deserved it 3 805

By SophieGray - 20/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 886

You deserved it 5 060

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 202

You deserved it 5 194

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 836

You deserved it 6 158

By samantha - 27/01/2010 14:05 - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 736

You deserved it 4 364

By lulu - 11/02/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 289

You deserved it 4 711

whoaaahorsie 7

Monday 23 January 2012 12:28

for a dirty translation, maybe "if there's **** involved i'll get on my knees and be your bitch" ?

lukybasturd 0

Monday 23 January 2012 12:00

well me not understanding this is my fml. someone please comment an explanation.

Comments

lukybasturd 0

Monday 23 January 2012 12:00

well me not understanding this is my fml. someone please comment an explanation.

Betz 10

Monday 23 January 2012 12:06

Dogs love to eat chickens.

brookie_0841 1

Monday 23 January 2012 12:16

It's supposed to be sexual

LadyClarik 8

Monday 23 January 2012 12:20

Whether its sexual or not, what's creepy is she legitimately had this thought. She wasn't trying to be funny. She just really wanted THAT piece of chicken. Weird.

whoaaahorsie 7

Monday 23 January 2012 12:28

for a dirty translation, maybe "if there's **** involved i'll get on my knees and be your bitch" ?

fsukid1021 0

Monday 23 January 2012 12:51

#1 She means the 'other' white meat.

Jonkbaby 22

Monday 23 January 2012 13:41

more like herbal diarrhea, amirite, amirite????

The_Troller 14

Monday 23 January 2012 14:28

44- no, you're not right. At least not until I figure out what you tried to say there.

DeadxManxWalking 27

Monday 23 January 2012 15:03

*******.

Furrywhiplash 14

Monday 23 January 2012 16:14

She wants it doggy-style.

rogerover 19

Monday 23 January 2012 16:47

Both 67& 82. Yea, both.

klatt 8

Monday 23 January 2012 18:05

Today Im not getting the punch line or am I missing something !!!

Tsunami87 17

Monday 23 January 2012 18:22

She's really attracted to chickens.

urdirtyolduncle 15

Monday 23 January 2012 21:13

Did he say, "Dear diary, Jackpot!"

theladyofepic 3

Monday 23 January 2012 23:27

I think 44 was trying to make a pun about KFC-maybe.

BadBoyz90210 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 3:16

26 - dark meat is so much better...

BrickWalls 2

Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:56

Well all I can say is beg for a treat :D! >:)

waitwhatsgoingon 18

Tuesday 24 January 2012 5:20

No...

Jonkbaby 22

Tuesday 24 January 2012 10:53

lmao #122, I honestly didn't think of that. You are full of win though!

elidine 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:39

Yes. She wants the ****.

StopDropNRoll 11

Monday 23 January 2012 12:00

Looks like someone is having chicken today.

somebody_special 9

Monday 23 January 2012 20:08

CHICKEN!!!!

jellitonoctopus 19

Monday 23 January 2012 12:01

Who doesn't love chicken?

oliver86 8

Monday 23 January 2012 13:04

Vegans

jellitonoctopus 19

Monday 23 January 2012 13:12

Ah, and vegetarians.

cc_the_beast 6

Monday 23 January 2012 14:06

They love chickens, just not dead ones.

TheMaster15 10

Monday 23 January 2012 12:01

Hahaha just imagine the reaction!!

ohSNAPyall 26

Monday 23 January 2012 13:42

Maybe it made him laugh, at least. If you know his wife left him, he must be going through a pretty rough time.

jeob1992 8

Monday 23 January 2012 16:19

Till now....

ladyLALAA 28

Monday 23 January 2012 12:03

I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight. *Maracas*

s15c 9

Monday 23 January 2012 12:04

Sounds painful. FYL

Glitterhinoceros 14

Monday 23 January 2012 12:04

Sounds kind of kinky...

TPSerigne 9

Monday 23 January 2012 12:13

Very arousing. Let me get some of that chicken!

shanemaximo 7

Monday 23 January 2012 15:32

Yeah, pretty much anything sexual that involves an old man, his dog and left over chicken is going to be kinky.

kodyrsswanson 6

Monday 23 January 2012 23:06

Or is it?

pinkcrayola 0

Monday 23 January 2012 12:06

Don't worry, OP, I'm sure he didn't mind. (;

BountyBass 13

Monday 23 January 2012 12:07

Wtf

akito11 5

Monday 23 January 2012 14:08

I had that same reaction

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 23 January 2012 14:50

Some people are into that... Now now... Let's not judge... *cough*FREAK*cough*

hecseferblade 1

Monday 23 January 2012 12:09

bet the old man liked that idea

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Same thing different taste

Honey…

Priorities

Kinda sus, dude

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