Miscellaneous: Smurf mouth

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 223

You deserved it 42 375

Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

Broken heart

Mean meanie

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 731

You deserved it 2 364

By reallythough - 13/04/2013 18:07 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 48 087

By dodgerkiss - 10/06/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 146

You deserved it 3 636

By AH - 07/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 819

You deserved it 4 343

By Raven - 31/12/2016 17:24 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 132

Not this again

By Kurochrome - 18/07/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 195

You deserved it 3 511

By troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 750

You deserved it 9 510

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 124

Nokia 3310 FTW

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 1 934

By Kelsie - 12/12/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 540

You deserved it 4 056

By Overworked - 30/09/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 330

You deserved it 3 214

By alex - 14/03/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 718

You deserved it 10 047

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Roxboro

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 1 890

By XxHinkaixX - 01/08/2010 02:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 434

You deserved it 3 471

By karmas a kunt - 22/09/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 240

You deserved it 2 783

Things ain't changed much

By anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I was telling my dad that scientists had discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all BS and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 104

You deserved it 1 734

By StupidDentist - 20/06/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 887

You deserved it 3 164

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 2 578

By brandon - 10/01/2011 17:04 - Canada

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 606

You deserved it 33 268

By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 2 566

By Username - 06/08/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 875

You deserved it 2 924

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 591

You deserved it 4 128

By sunshine19217 - 18/01/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 470

You deserved it 8 664

By Kryometric - 29/03/2015 06:38 - United States - Coupeville

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 904

You deserved it 2 563

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 994

You deserved it 2 804

By Mirroronthewall - 30/08/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 740

You deserved it 44 128

It's the most wonderful time of the year

By Demona666 - 06/12/2021 08:01

Today, I was in a car accident while driving to my brother's school to drop off some documents that he had to bring in, and forgot at home. While not even driving at 20 km/h, I started drifting on an icy spot. I hit a road sign and my car fell into a ditch. I probably have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 88

Ace of Spades

By Simon Edhouse - 13/09/2021 09:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 198

By piece of shed - 31/08/2011 14:00 - United States

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 171

You deserved it 3 485

By duncan74 - 10/12/2014 03:23 - France - Balma

Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 4 245

By Anonymous - 06/04/2015 03:31 - United States - New Britain

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 867

You deserved it 5 114

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 11:49 - United States

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 847

You deserved it 64 685

By Skoff - 23/07/2015 09:44 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 046

You deserved it 2 920

By botheredgf - 09/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 525

You deserved it 4 416

By wtfbabe - 22/06/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 616

You deserved it 538

By bob the builder - 08/11/2012 14:36 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 324

You deserved it 1 728

By nancie - 02/08/2018 20:30

Today, while I was at work, my husband threw out 50 out of my 70 T-shirts, all of my tank tops, and all but one of my sweaters. I'm not getting them back because they're burning in a bonfire in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 694

By Tonguetied0496 - 10/12/2012 07:21 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 7 377

That's not very pog

By Anonymous Dad - 02/02/2021 17:02

Today, my son and his friends were gaming in his room when I thought I'd use a word I recently discovered online. I said, "Hey, this is all very poggers." My son sighed and said, "How do you do, fellow kids?" I got Steve Buscemi-ed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 939

Feelings

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 00:46 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 463

You deserved it 9 758

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Top comments

MoonyIce 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:12

YDI, perhaps not so much for chewing your pen but for obviously not bringing along EXTRA pens, which I believe they specifically advise you to do.

8_wow_11 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:42

nah the worst is when you lend a pen and then it comes back half-eaten :P

retardthinkswhat 3

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:07

YDI for chewing on your pen.

bartmasta 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:12

#1 with that logic you could say all FML's are YDI

spiffles 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 20:54

No, I'm pretty sure it is kind of stupid to chew on your pen. Gross, too.

nando92 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 2:46

OMG THAT HAPPEND TO ME ONCE THe teacher wouldnt let me leave :(

IamSpartacus 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 4:39

#1 - You should take other situations into consideration, like these ones: He could be nervous about the test he is taking and the question he is STUCK on, and start chewing on his pen, it could be a habit he developed as a baby, maybe it helps him think, I don't know. But more importantly, YOU don't know, which means you shouldn't post stupid comments like the one you did.

sonicfury 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:08

ahh that almost happened to me once that is so gross

tgd4444 9

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 18:38

Go to the bathroom and WASH it off. ink is poisonous. Its a free world. dont let a bitch of a teacher stop u

HahaYDI 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 22:45

No, they can't legally stop you, but they can fail you for leaving when it isn't break-time. And THAT would suck.

leisl14 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 0:42

i've done that too.. but it wasn't as gross as when i bit into my glow in the dark mouthpiece.

wethequeens123 1

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Thursday 2 September 2010 5:25

tht stuff can kill u if u accidently drank it. that teacher should b sued

MoonyIce 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:12

YDI, perhaps not so much for chewing your pen but for obviously not bringing along EXTRA pens, which I believe they specifically advise you to do.

8_wow_11 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:40

he didn't have any cos he ate them all =P

teentee401 36

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Thursday 7 August 2014 0:56

Who uses a pen for a test anyway? What if you make a mistake?

LeannaCarol 13

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Monday 26 October 2015 8:31

You scratch it out? For most tests (important ones, at least) you're not even allowed to write in pencil unless it's a drawing

thefury 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:12

spaz

ohmybejeezus 6

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Wednesday 11 April 2012 12:04

Fuck you

wow_3455 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:23

that's happened to me a lot before. I've had almost every colored pen in my mouth. it sucks. FYL

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 21:18

Anyone else think that sounds wrong?

Lounia_fml 8

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 21:49

I agree with #28.. LOL (:

Whirling_Kumquat 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 22:15

"that's happened to me a lot before. I've had almost every colored penis in my mouth. it sucks. FYL" Ahh, the wonders of a dirty mind.

Brendan3693 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 5:41

nice one 28, and I am not just agreeing with u cuz of your profile picture. XD

physicist48 0

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Sunday 7 August 2011 3:31

You didn't learn after the first time?

f_u_u_f_f 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:24

I've been waiting all my life for this to happen to somebody. It's horrible when you go to borrow a pen and it has been obviously chomped. Pen chewing is so gross.

ManjyomeThunder 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 2:39

You know what I would hate? If someone complained to me that the pen I let them borrow was chewed, when they didn't bring their own damn pen to begin with. Beggars can't be choosers. If you don't want a chewed pen, bring your own. It's a common habit, and people are going to do it, and as long as it's THEIR pen they have every damn right to.

xgardian 15

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Friday 26 April 2013 11:13

I lent someone a pen once and when I got it back it was a completely different chewed up pen.

unfortunate_13 5

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:25

hahaha I would love to see that on tape!

Jimboom 11

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:27

I have had this happen to me once before. Though thankfully I wasn't chewing hard on the pen. Now I make sure the pen is a sturdy one before I chew on it. ;)

AshleyRose784 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:33

that's why you chew on the CAP, not the pen itself...

Cthlulu 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:34

Pen chewing is OK, as long as it is your own pen. I really hate it when I ask for a pen to borrow and I get a obviously half-eaten one.

TheTruth1428 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 17:02

If you're borrowing a pen, you can't be so selective. Bring your own pen if you're going to complain about the condition of it. As for the OP, YDI. I've seen pen chewers before, but none that chewed so hard they popped the pen in their mouth.