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Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22974) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

#19382867
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22966) - you deserved it (2299)

On 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

#19276070
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22965) - you deserved it (15031)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

#21450770
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22964) - you deserved it (2631)

On 08/02/2015 at 5:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

#7218409
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you deserved it (5160)

On 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm - love - by brokenrelicslost (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

#19590770
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22962) - you deserved it (5806)

On 05/08/2012 at 2:08am - kids - by SomePeoplesKids - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

#19668387
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22962) - you deserved it (4707)

On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML

#12715799
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (8787)

On 08/24/2010 at 3:25am - misc - by lostvideo - Israel (Yerushalayim)

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

#18685052
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (5316)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:38am - misc - by Anon O'Mous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22958) - you deserved it (2122)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

#2289
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22957) - you deserved it (2224)

On 01/23/2009 at 6:36am - misc - by Spanky - United States (Michigan)

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#6908981
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (3942)

On 12/23/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by everybodysfool (woman) - United States (Florida)



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