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Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19661) - you deserved it (5162)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, at 7 in the morning, I end up outside in a night dress, with bare feet and in the rain. I've just found out that my two year old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

#685
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19658) - you deserved it (3175)

On 01/02/2009 at 8:22pm - kids - by lilou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

#15535054
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19659) - you deserved it (28026)

On 03/28/2011 at 7:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

#18906586
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19658) - you deserved it (1829)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

#20125823
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19658) - you deserved it (4912)

On 10/20/2012 at 9:59pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

#13788203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (2630)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:16am - misc - by dearprudence89 - United States

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

#20132367
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19656) - you deserved it (1515)

On 10/25/2012 at 2:59am - work - by TheHarvardian (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

#15087655
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19654) - you deserved it (24539)

On 02/23/2011 at 4:18am - money - by suzyyy (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

#19239512
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19653) - you deserved it (2788)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by hungry - Canada

Today, while skiing, the creepy guy controlling the chair lift said I was pretty. I was so caught off guard that I fell off. FML

#19171997
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (4687)

On 02/26/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by Confused - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

#20115354
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (1585)

On 10/13/2012 at 6:25pm - misc - by fucking fratricidal (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

#17109395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19650) - you deserved it (47025)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

#8731287
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19647) - you deserved it (2365)

On 02/28/2010 at 9:42pm - work - by Fonzie34 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)



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