Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML
Today, my in-laws were visiting from Texas, so I made a brisket, smoked for 10 hours on the barbecue, and it was perfect. Alas, when my husband cut the meat, he burst a perfectly cooked cyst the size of a lemon that stank the whole house out. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
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Top comments
wizardcorn04 14
Is your dad Gordon Ramsey by any chance?
chaseafterwind82 29
Lol! Ride it back into the kitchen and finish cooking it!
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Comments (86)
chaseafterwind82 29
Lol! Ride it back into the kitchen and finish cooking it!
Hunthas 17
Don't worry, I'm sure they will understand. Everyone makes mis-steaks
psychopolarbear 28
Noooo. It's perfect. As we say, go and get it from the farm, wash its ass, knock the horns off, and put it on the grill. When it jumps, flip it over, when it jumps again, put it on my plate.
ligerzero459 24
#1 has the right idea, OP. Get a moo-ve on
CaitiieBuggs 23
#31- Ha, my great grandmother used to say "wipe its ass and walk it through a hot room."
phreaker913 21
if it doesn't moo when i bite it i send it back
wizardcorn04 14
Is your dad Gordon Ramsey by any chance?
NotGabe 28
Gordon Ramsey be like, "Mary had a little lamb because YOU DIDN'T F@#KING COOK IT!"
teentee401 37
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn't ******* cook it!
alexanderavatar 24
THIS STEAK SO RARE I CAN STILL HEAR THE MOTHERF#*KER MOOOO
wdunh69733 24
Ramsay. And I've heard him say it before.
whycantisignup 24
WHAT ARE YOU?! AN IDIOT SANDWICH!
JKPwnage 27
THIS CHICKEN IS SO ******* RAW HE'S STILL YELLING ABOUT THE ******* SKY FALLING
phreaker913 21
THESE MUSHROOMS ARE SO UNDERCOOKED, THEY TOLD ME THE PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!!!!!
MagnusDeus 24
Is your dad, perhaps, Gordon Ramsey?
sstahpp 33
I think this is a pretty legitimate question.
Sandsh8rk 36
It's RAMSAY, not Ramsey.
fakedsincerity 32
legitimate, but beaten to it by the commenter before. lol.
MrConcise 35
Your dad is wrong. You're eating steak, not beef jerky. It shouldn't be dry, it should be juicy and succulent.
_awwhellnaw_ 45
There is a big difference between undercooked and overlooked - namely the amount of blood when cutting the meat.
MrConcise 35
Shit, really? Thanks for your insight, I would've never known!
MrSassypants 34
I have no idea why but for some reason I think you're being very, very, very, sarcastic.
MrConcise 35
Because I am.
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
Why though
prostar9993 15
If you think that's blood, you know nothing about steak.
Soloman212 28
If your steak has blood in it, switch butchers.
Azpy 26
Honestly I like my steak very raw so having a lot of blood on my steak is normal for me
tranced_ 45
The steaks, have never been higher !
tranced_ 45
It was your first time, you should've made chicken. .
tdawg91 17
If she under cooks food, she should definitely not cook chicken!
cupcakebruh 21
Since its their first time they should probably have made something with ground beef. Its kinda hard to undercook ground beef just as long as you know to keep cooking it till its all brown with little to no pink left.
_kyleG_ 34
That's when you act fancy and in your best condescending French accent say, "Zit eez prepared bleu you ignorant American." (It helps if you twirl your waxed mustachio while doing it)
tdawg91 17
Lol! Whenever my dad hosts a BBQ he sets the steaks on 3 different plates so people can help themselves, he labels them "medium" "still eating the side salad" and "cremated"
FFStepchild283 24
This is great and I'm going to use this in the future!
arrowgold 19
Hopefully you weren't too offended by your dads comment. Next time will be better. Maybe use a meat thermometer.
Randomxnp 10
If you cook a steak right it should be on the plate before the echo fades from its last "moo". Sounds like you got it a little over done. If you need to cut it to see the red then it ain't underdone.