Miscellaneous: Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after... - FML

By DesDri - Canada

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Slow day

Deadbeat

By xtilltheendx - 5/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Thin walls

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

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By oops secretary

Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 17:59 - Canada - Regina

Stuck

Today, I found out that I'm not getting a new position I applied for at my company. Now, I have to continue working for my boss, who recently severely criticized my spelling in my reports, only they weren't my reports, and when I pointed this out, she simply never responded. FML

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By notonthepavement - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

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By johnnycomehelpme - United States - Skokie

Nice try

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

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By AquaKelly - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

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By Seriously - United States

Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

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By Hatemyjobbb

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

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By readytoamputatemyfeet - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

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By knicksfan - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

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By abigiggles

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

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By Kylie - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, during a driving lesson, I accidentally rear-ended a BMW at a traffic light. The number plate was "Law Man." FML

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By jking2z - United States

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

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By CODgirl102 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

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By horrible daughter - United States - Santee

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

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By Nickie809 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

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By Person in Alaska with a Ferret - United States

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

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By Anonymous

Epitaph

Today, I asked my boyfriend to honestly tell me if I had become overweight. He replied that yes, I had, but that it was OK because I was his "Lumpy Space Princess." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

It's a mystery

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

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By ughhhh - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

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By fifthtimesacharm

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

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By Marcowalker95 - United States - Panorama City

Chill out, man!

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

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By Cultus

Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML

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By Amanda - United States

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML

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By Checkless chick - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

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By Halloween Fail - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

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By Really? - Australia - Homebush

Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML

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Top comments

By Ringmaster1 | 0

#323692 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:43

She was drunk, what were you expecting?

By EhLasalvadorena | 0

#324178 - Saturday 20 June 2009 19:14

not all latin american people are drunk and act stupid.

COMMENTS

By basketballbabee | 0

#323670 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:37

FIRST.
and wtf?

Reply

purplegee | 2

#1126489 - Friday 23 July 2010 3:22

at least she felt sorry!

By kaykay5833 | 0

#323690 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:43

shit. #1 beat me to it... 2nd ?

By Ringmaster1 | 0

#323692 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:43

She was drunk, what were you expecting?

Reply

ohmygodthisisuou | 0

#324014 - Saturday 20 June 2009 18:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#324123 - Saturday 20 June 2009 18:49

LOL

Reply

EhLasalvadorena | 0

#324178 - Saturday 20 June 2009 19:14

not all latin american people are drunk and act stupid.

Reply

mcpicklejar | 0

#324410 - Saturday 20 June 2009 20:31

thumbs up for that one buddy

By ForWhatItsWorth | 0

#323694 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:43

Shouldave just let her stay there. You'll probably never see her again anyway.
Agreed with nr 3 too. If you're getting yourself into something willingly, don't complain about it.

Reply

ddldave | 0

#324151 - Saturday 20 June 2009 19:03

Definitely agree, I would never drive someone like that home

Reply

jessicaclaire | 0

#324230 - Saturday 20 June 2009 19:36

So you would rather the drunk girl have driven herself home, then?

Reply

FBIWarning | 0

#324250 - Saturday 20 June 2009 19:46

yea instead you'd rather be a dick? good job

Reply

ForWhatItsWorth | 0

#327720 - Sunday 21 June 2009 22:54

He probably did it hoping she'd come on to him or something, how is that any better? The guy she was with shouldave done something about it.

By girandwogpig | 0

#323697 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:44

HAHA. Was she hot lol?

By vola97 | 0

#323704 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:46

wtf is wrong with you SICKO!!!!!!!

By Aelaena | 6

#323705 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:47

That was nice of you, at least she felt bad.

By VroomVroomVroom | 0

#323707 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:47

Aha. xD

By killuhb | 0

#323715 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:50

Wait is this only an fml cause you had to babysit and couldn't take advantage?

By wikifoo | 0

#323722 - Saturday 20 June 2009 15:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

heavyt | 0

#2428367 - Friday 29 April 2011 8:30

ha