Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML
Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
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Top comments
lakaiskate 12
Pay your mum to super glue his hand to his dick
baseballplaya5 7
That's a sticky situation
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Comments (154)
superguppy19 3
Man what a dick
cyrusyoman 5
superior his favorite shoes together
builditbetter09 3
How do you superior something?
cherrypie22 6
Probally have to blame auttocorrect for that :P
MerrikBarbarian 9
Are you stupid or just never seen super glue? That shit burns. It adheres things like plastic together by melting the plastics. It literally melts part of your skin if you super glue it. Unless you have glue solvent you will also rip hunks of skin off getting whatever is glued together apart. It's not funny at all.
jisaac09 25
Acetone works great to remove superglue. Idk if OP has sisters but fingernail polish remover does a fine job.
swimchica22 0
Am I the only one who wonders how OP got to the kitchen sink? O.o
Eiregal2 10
Dad properly did it in the kitchen?
DocBastard 40
MerrikBarbarian - no, it does not "melt" your skin. It simply bonds it together. There are medical cyanoacrylate glues, including one called Dermabond which I routinely use to repair lacerations. You can remove superglue from skin by soaking in warm soapy water or by applying acetone. Get your facts straight, son.
tatababe 1
Super glue his hands together
FarSide 23
Funnier would have been super gluing your ass to the toilet seat.
blackheart24 10
That's awesome. The only thing worse is duct taping somebody's hands to their head and leaving them like that.
barrowkite 4
how was the first comment no "he was right" i am dissapointed
MeganLOvesPurple 0
I Was Wondering The Same thing !
baseballplaya5 7
That's a sticky situation
suxs4ulol 22
someones gotta say it.
luismyl 6
At least he didnt glued his dick to his ass
nicknamekenny 1
Fail
foreveraloneXC 10
Damn I was gonna say that
Androidz 0
Grammar win 47. *Golf clap*
rockon_fml 3
Rob's mom!
luismyl 6
96. What is wrong?
emvictoria 9
120 number 47 said glued when he should of said glue.
Kelita 0
121 I think he knows that.
CSTDude77 7
Ah like we haven't herd that crappy pun before...
foreveraloneXC 10
Should have* since you're correcting people
lakaiskate 12
Pay your mum to super glue his hand to his dick
aceman1992 9
So was it as funny as id expected?
rahavan 15
Or call CPS OP. Super gluing your child's feet together seems inhumane but I don't know the whole story so I shouldn't offer advise.
angrymexican 8
Replace his favorite bottle of lotion
Enenra 4
...that wasn't your dad. Sorry.
wytang 3
93 even better, replace his vodka with rubbing alcohol.
DocBastard 40
Have you never heard of a bathtub? Idiot.
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe he couldn't hobble that far (Yeah, I know...)
KiddNYC1O 22
Maybe someone was using it? Bastard.
IndigoAcrylic 9
But OP had his feet glued together and he had his boxers still on. YOU CAN'T BATH WITH BOXERS!! xD
KiddNYC1O 22
I can.
kateheartswaffle 0
Maybe he fell asleep downstairs and the closest running water was in the kitchen.
yumlicious 4
Or maybe his home doesn't have bathtubs, only showers.
DocBastard 40
Ok fine, so sit in the shower. Anything is better than sitting your ass on the kitchen counter where food is prepared and putting your dirty feet in the kitchen sink.
flockz 20
or the obvious solution: you could just piss on your own feet.
thatsphuckedsoba 0
I do
yumlicious 4
It doesn't work like that Doc. My friend lives in an apartment with a tiny bathroom shower and a small pedestal sink. His only option would be to sit on the kitchen counter with his feet in the sink.
mitchn60 6
Hey Doc, not everyone has a bathtub. I only have a shower enclosure. No tub.
Sniper3000 0
Immature much?
Torva_fml 16
Bad comment, much? It's hilarious... I wish my dad and I could joke around like that.... He's an uptight church-going prick.
Sniper3000 0
I get no love on this site
Seth2014 0
Mine too!!
Blueglasscup 18
That actually sounds like something I'd do willingly, minus the feet getting stuck together with glue part.
geon_olam 17
side by side or the palms to each other?
camster8393 1
I am definitely wondering the same thing!
WCARlover 35
You'll have to get him back so bad on April Fool's
chickenfingers 0
use nail polish remover
FYLDeep 26
^This for sure. Paint thinner may also work too if you don't have any nail polish remover. I have yet to try it though.
Sbrie 0
I've tryed that when I was younger when I got my my hands stuck in wax... It didn't do a thing and stripped my hands raw
THE_A_TEEN 28
Some people failed at parenting, like your dad. Honestly, how dumb do you have to be to super glue someone without reading the warning labels about getting it on your skin.
ikickgingers 15
I think... Lol. He knew the end result without reading the label. :)))));
AliCat18 12
#11 it was a prank. something fun! which obviously you have never tried! how can you base parenting skills on a harmless prank, i can promise you that OP will not die! infact her dad is awsome for being that out going and not being so serious!
YUNOGUY 0
I'm positive that OP is a boy.
ijnek 3
that's the fun part right there
DnaFilmmaker96 7
I don't know where you're from, but round here lucas is a totally legit chick's name.