Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML
Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
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Top comments
lakaiskate 12
Pay your mum to super glue his hand to his dick
baseballplaya5 7
That's a sticky situation
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Comments (154)
FortuneCookie3 1
Troll Dad strikes again.
CorpLaw77 3
depending on what superglue, nail polish remover or rubbing alcohol works but if its gorilla glue you are just gonna have to rip skin
Jefzwang 4
My question is how the hell you let him do that.
needsagf14 12
But why were you in your boxers? Did he do it in your sleep
Rendrag 3
Umm, water makes superglue set faster... Acetone is what you want..
west_sndrs 0
Shower? Just saying
marissamay25 3
Haha, at least your dad has a since of humor. He just take it out on you.
KaraP_fml 6
That sucks!
carleymuffins 0
Lololol that would be funny :)
_unratedx 0
How did you walk to the kitchen and get on the counter when you don't have feet to walk? O_o that must have been complicated And must have hurt, fyl.