Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML
Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
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Top comments
lakaiskate 12
Pay your mum to super glue his hand to his dick
baseballplaya5 7
That's a sticky situation
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Comments (154)
newmandotcom 6
That's freaking hilarious
happykesh 3
I give your dad credit! He was somehow able to super glue your feet while you were sleeping, or your just stupid. Either way, its a sticky situation ;)
THE_A_TEEN 28
*you're Yes, OP Is reeeaaally stupid for not noticing his dad glueing his feet together because there is no such thing as heavy sleepers or sleeping pills.
rubberduckie94 13
my thoughts exactly. how do you miss someone doing this. great joke, painful but great. you will have to get him back. set up a trap with a rope that will hamg him upside down when he steps in it. i dont know what those are called.
happykesh 3
The image is also actually quite awkward..i am very curious- I wonder if he glued palm to palm or ankle to ankle?
dylanmurre 4
What's with people correcting other peoples spelling on here. Who the hell cares how it is spelled, we all understand what he is saying.
DocBastard 40
Dylan, we've been through this innumerable times. Just becasue yuo cna undertsand waht's wrttien, deosn't mkae it rhgit. See what I mean?
dylanmurre 4
Yeah but you're an annoying American tard
DocBastard 40
That doesn't change a thing, does it?
RedPillSucks 33
I didn't know 10 year olds could be fathers.
douglaslundy 1
Hey number 18 if he immature then what the he'll are you you anime **** up
LullzKitteh 1
Lullz!
grands138 4
He was right. That is funny.
frenchygirl95 7
I laughed!
frenchygirl95 7
That's a useless comment.
hateevryone 15
so immature
happykesh 3
This is not exactly immature. Maybe they have a father son prank relationship. Have fun a lil!
FYLDeep 26
You should have used the force Luke.
mrsayuso 0
I can't believe you were the first to say it, 30 comments later.
Sullyster 0
Nail polish remover sometimes works. Hope that helps.
silus_iv 1
Yes, any sort of cleaner / remover with Acetone in it will soften the super glue allowing it to be peeled away. Alternately, a lot of hardware stores will sell containers of pure acetone for cleaning paint, etc. Nail polish remover with acetone is often the easiest way to get it.
KiddNYC1O 22
Thinner!
thatsphuckedsoba 0
Kinda late dont cha think
Jimboom 12
The better question here is how the hell did you not notice this? Even if you were asleep you think you would notice someone messing around with your feet like that?? Anyway, put superglue on the toilet seat. That will teach him not to mess with you!
blueeyedwolf 10
It's not that hard. I take Ambien for chronic insomnia. If I take that before bed, nearly nothing will wake me up. I have walked and even eaten in my sleep without ever waking up.
cherrypie22 6
Lol. That is funny