Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML
Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
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Top comments
lakaiskate 12
Pay your mum to super glue his hand to his dick
baseballplaya5 7
That's a sticky situation
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Comments (154)
loserman67 36
I guess the main question is how in the world did you let this happen? Who was drunk, you or your dad, or both? Dad sounds like a real cut up! Since revenge is sweet and paybacks are a bitch, I suggest you wait unitl dad goes to sleep and then super glue: A: His hand to his crotch B: His hand to his ass C: His dick to his leg D: His finger in his nostril E: His finger into the crack of his ass Let your imagination run wild on this one!
benderbot19 0
B- left hand C E- right hand
marinebio 0
Go with C
davidbdb485 0
I superglued my hands together one time, my dad ended up using gas to get it off. It worked really well and at the time gas was pretty cheap.
KK3137 31
Oh, I thought it was because you live in Alaska..
ifeelya 5
Father of the year.
bubo_fml 11
Itching powder + his boxers = scratchy crotch...U know what 2 do!
craZ3 0
revenge will be sweet
kitsuneluvuh 12
Next time, just use nail polish remover, preferably with acetone. That will unstick your feet in seconds. Trust me on that, I've super glued my hands together quite a few times making jewelry.
KadenLove 0
Why did you let him? Even if you were sleeping, how would you not realize someone touching your feet? The second anything touches my feet, but the blanket, I either kick, or pull them away.... I have to admit... your dad was right.... it is kind of funny....
msm0220 0
Super glue his sack to the insides of his thighs.
nsnforever 2
It is funny, to everyone else. But that seriously sucks, OP. On the bright side, it gives you the excuse to get revenge on April Fools Day. Just make sure what you do is twice as worse. (;