Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML
Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
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Top comments
Classlfied 4
Move out
CopeStraight 3
Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street
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Comments (123)
Classlfied 4
Move out
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Who says OP lives with him?
LiveLaughFML 10
don't forget to carry a glowstick, dress in bright colors, have an "adult" unwrap your candy and never knock on a door when the lights are off! ;-)
Damn_Hippster 11
Halloween is so dangerous! What if there is a guy dressed as a pedophile, when he actually is a pedophile. It happened to me like six times before I realized it was the same guy each year.
SCREAM4meeee 0
Watch for razor blades!
MagicallyFat 12
23 as odd as that may seem I had the same thought but then I looked at the gender thing.
ALpein 0
I'm more curious about the dangers of Christmas. Seeing as how he has a lecture for every holiday.
musicfreak9821 6
…..... okkk
ast3150 13
LMAO x)
FarSide 23
Wow. Talk about a ****** up life. You sure got one, OP.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
oh God, i can only imagine what your fathers speech is like on valentines day :O
DKjazz 20
Oh the possibilities! Chanukah: Menorah+Latkes=grease fire How about MLK day? Groundhog day? Labor day?
ciarafox9 9
Haha cut him some slack, he's just looking out for you! :)
somewizdom 15
"Don't you chew the hard candy, it can be very bad for your teeth"
MagicallyFat 12
The car labeled "kandy" prob has a pedo in it. But the one that says "Hogwarts Express" is real; the guy even game a chocolate bar with mushrooms in it (he said it was healthy) and I got to fly with buckbeak
alpaquette91 9
Agreed with 2, dad story's and lectures are the best in my opinion.
CopeStraight 3
Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street
TheDrifter 24
Hey, I like trick or treaters. Uhmm, I mean, yeah, good advice.
chahacha599 0
Or the van parked outside...
CabooseWins 0
But those creepy vans with 'free candy' written on them have the best candy.
ikickgingers 15
Oh my van is loaded with candy. :)
CryMoreFMLs 15
Mine is loaded with children. I'll trade you kicky!
flockz 20
watch out for those scary monsters!! i heard all snow whites are secretly vampires!!
rattusrattus 19
I heard all 'vampires' were secretly vampires!
SolanumX 6
I heard that the new vampires born of pop culture are gay, and not at all in the spirit of true vampires or their original inspiration.
ihasbrains 10
I respect 61 >.>
tylersign 11
Watch out for the people who seem like they're in costumes.. But they aren't. Seriously. Watch out.
ciarafox9 9
Haha cut him some slack, he's just looking out for you! :)
flockz 20
comment twice? MADNESS!!
ciarafox9 9
I know... I'm crazy like that
flockz 20
challenge accepted.
flockz 20
challenge accepted.
FreshlyCut 0
U and number 2 have a lot in common
2ndSucks 15
Well til you move out you're gonna be treated like a kid.
screamo_neve 12
The definite truth.
KiddNYC1O 22
It is dangerous! They broke my car window last Halloween. I hope nothing happens this year... :crosses fingers:
DocBastard 40
Even 28 year olds need to be reminded of the dangers of getting slobberingly drunk at a Halloween party and vomiting on the Naughty Nurse's shoes.
flockz 20
ya that shit was hard to clean off.
GraceKathryn97 0
Haha well dads can be a lil over protective at times...he's only warning you about it cuz he loves you!:)