Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I was at a food truck festival and I spotted a taco truck and eagerly ordered a spicy taco. As I took my first bite, the spice hit me like a freight train and I began to choke. In an effort to save myself, I dropped the taco into the lap of the guy sitting next to me. He looked up, lap splattered in salsa, and asked if I was having a stroke. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
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Top comments
GloriousWhorious 6
YDI for being overly flirty.
lopez1222 3
hahaha not cute...
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Comments (237)
green_eggs_and_h 0
****
yellowboy30 0
lmbo
GloriousWhorious 6
YDI for being overly flirty.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Damn, why don't random girls ever do this to ME?
humzizzl3 0
haha you silly *****
enonymous 9
I prefer girls that do that and then have mustard shoot out their nose... dijon only not that french's crap... I have standards
hook_em 0
good thing she didn't deep throat she would have died she can't even handle bite size proportions.
layz_fml 0
lol @ 37! She deserved it for trying to hard to be cute
rallets 23
sounds like you bit off more than you could chew
genesisnirvana 11
how does one bite a hot dog cutely?
yummayy_ 11
Nothing is sexier than taking a bite out of a hotdog... Mmm. Sexy.
shrinkydinks 0
I was thinking the same thing! how can anyone eat anything "cutely" or "seductively"? like I get the whole penis shape in your mouth, but you bite and chew it? if that is what turns you on then you are just kinky;)
ImmortalKratos 0
sounds like you need some practice with wieners in your mouth. I'm free from 2-6 everyday.
rcloca 10
^ awkwaaaaard......
missIrene 6
he probably thought you are a dirty ***** for winking with a wiener in your mouth . be classy Hun, not an easy skeezer
DudeImBetter 0
that's when you say I love it when ketchup is on my hot dog and then you bend over to pick it up with your mouth.
rawrlily 0
Yes. Ripping into a hot dog is very sexy. It would probably convey images of you eating penises. Like, chewing and ingesting.
Alex94xela 0
she shoulda removed it from the bun, kissed it, licked it, and slowly deep throat it. now that's hot!
lmfaoooooooooo 4
69's comment is even funnier cause it's 69
Kukua 5
I saw "trying to be sexy" and went right for the YDI button.
RUCKUSSPYDER 0
agreed
RUCKUSSPYDER 0
Agreed. P.s. Lucky hot dog.
Jonscarl 0
seriously Costco?
garrettsgirl 0
oooo a total turn on haha just kidding that sucks though:( sorry
dolphincheddar 10
it's easy to be sexy with a hot dog. just cover the tip with mayo and lick it off then nibble on it a bit. ask any woman in the sex trade. just treat the hot dog like a penis and the man wil think about you doing the same thing to their actual wanker. derpalicious
holygodthatshars 0
haha awesome :D
bbucaro98 0
those hot dogs are soooo good
MilkShakez 0
Choking on a hotdog is sexy, he was secretly turned on
YDI__Bitch 0
I would've thought it was cute! did he help?
FFPulley 9
pardon me. but do you have any grey poupon??
YDI__Bitch 0
I'd have thought it was cute!
1molinamatt 5
@ 14 hahaha so truuu :p
iEatGuppies 0
being sexy with a stranger? that never works out,
fi3ldhock3ybab33 8
love waynes world!
slushpup9696 12
All the replies to 1 were good until 80 came along.
IceColdCholo 0
Best comment and comment number!
MrFlintstone 5
#3 ur comment is a little hippocritical since ur name is gloriouswhorous
guitargoddess89 3
lol I agree. I'd rather have respect for being classy than treated like a booty call and used.
GiddyXD 0
should've just sucked the sausage like a *******
AwesomeAsFcuk 0
it's funny cause she's fat...
TheKevinDasilva 0
**** you 126, Costco is the best place in the ******* world, "maybe" even funner than your mom's house during work/school days XD I feel naughty, brb I'm going to Costco...
MazDanRx795 1
117 - All I had to see was Costco and I clicked YDI...
Tommananaze6T9 4
no one likes a biter
dorkychick 0
how exactly do you eat a hotdog cutley? i could see a pickle...or a bananna...or something of that sort...but a hot dog? i could be wrong.
drcool41 0
yeah to be honest biting any penis shaped food is sexy it's kinda scary
igive 29
It would've been even funnier if he was vegetarian
Bob343434 10
126- Costco is awesome, I go there every week. You, on the other hand, are an idiot.
iMuffinKat 16
YDI so much, Op. Biting a hotdog and winking looks weird and isn't cute at all.
lopez1222 3
hahaha not cute...
rockindyl22 0
Hey OP you really bit the big one!:D sorry that was lame...
Saltime 0
I think the only sexy part of this FML is where is says "[...]all over my lap.".
Cryingraven 1
i just jizzed thinking about her choking on the hot dog. ;p
Newboyz00185 0
should've just stuck it right in there
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
Lol. Costco...
Tjack_attack 0
at least you didn't try to eat it in one bite and choke and make him give you the himleck
DoubleA329 1
probably cause everything is bigger in costco...
a_nutritionist 10
@170 i think your girlfriend posted an fml recently about that issue...
theten_fml 9
I agree it's not sexy when the sauce goes on your lap.
FreakenJewtastic 0
Yeah... That is the least cute thing i can think of doing in Costco...
calikiss 0
it is when u don't choke ;)
knights95 9
Costco hotdogs are amazing
GreenMaze 0
That's not flirty at all.
thesunsetglow_fml 8
But Costco pizza is the shit.
knights95 9
70- Hell Yea
AllTiimeLow 1
omg the hotdogs are amazing!:D
gabstahhh 8
Costco is where all the cool kids go. Free fooooooood
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Yeah there hotdogs are good, but nothin' beats there poutine. -One word: Heavenly!
xroflmao 0
ew their pizza is just grease and too much cheese.
OreoLovesFez 0
I personally like the churros.
knights95 9
Costco is just great
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
173- what about the Oreos?
SneakherHead 5
Agreed I love the churros too
bonnie_vb8 5
love everything but the pizza
detective_oreo 0
I like them and I'm detective_Oreo!!!!! and yes Lil Wayne is the shit did you watch the I'm one one video freaking amazing drake rips it
detective_oreo 0
so r their French fries and chicken strips
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
yes sir I did.
M0rt 0
it's like an ****** in your mouth
mathewssantosh 0
especially when they're in your mouth
ichikibobivopula 0
70 hell no their pizzas amazing. the ice cream bars are even better though.
lottso88 4
Their frozen custard is like heaven.
kittennn 0
That's foul.
HU4L188 0
awwww a kitten:)
JesusFishTaco 5
I thumbed it up for the kitteh.
francesgrace 4
That's right, tear into that weiner!
Jaxon26 0
I like turtles.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I like parties that involve lemons. Google it.
ichikibobivopula 0
tortoises are better.
ILUVMSC 5
ummm, no, sea turtles all the way... /:l
RobynL 0
ydi for being too damn hot. not.
ILUVMSC 5
haha, do u seriously have a clown in ur back yard?? haha lol
tinypurplegiant 0
I would have loved to see his reaction. ydi for failing at being sexy lol.
kdawg360 0
if she was hot she probably wouldn't have had to do that.
comepoopwithme 0
that makes you look like a fatass *****. the fact she did that for a random guy she saw probably made the guy think she does that to just any guy.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
She probably practices on her mom or something.
fuzz97 23
lol, it's priceless when dumb bitches try and make something look sexy that could never possibly look sexy, like eating a hot dog.
rattusrattus 19
Hot dogs are never sexy. Tasty, but not sexy.
wazupwolf 5
damn straight
JesusFishTaco 5
10-I wholeheartedly agree. Couldn't of said it better myself.
crushedone 7
Not even if she took the wiener out and deep throated it to show she has no gag reflex?
tayfehrenbachxo 0
false. most straight guys love watching women eat penis shaped food.
The_Weirdo 10
If you want that guys attention, you should have sucked the wiener. Really, what good would biting do?
Consequences 0
Maybe he's Jewish. they love mutilating phalluses. it's even part of their religion.