Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language,...

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 603

You deserved it 56 769

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Same thing different taste

By alisaav - 08/08/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 267

You deserved it 13 645

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 585

You deserved it 45 360

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 427

You deserved it 3 056

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 16:47 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 251

You deserved it 5 504

By justmyluck? - 18/02/2011 03:02

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 095

You deserved it 7 788

By ashhatches - 27/06/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 422

You deserved it 62 552

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 141

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 412

By Nick - 11/02/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 494

You deserved it 5 580

By Mouhahaa - 09/05/2012 03:48 - France

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 654

You deserved it 36 371

Blue33_fml 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:06

YDI for trying too hard

nautical 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:04

Smoooooooooooth

Comments

nautical 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:04

Smoooooooooooth

DomoCullen 0

Thursday 1 July 2010 1:38

yeah, reeeeaaaal smooth buthaha sucks for u. u should have just done verbal flirting or something.

Atmaster 3

Wednesday 14 July 2010 4:23

op fail for thinking jalepenos are hot

Atmaster 3

Wednesday 14 July 2010 4:25

sorry I meant jalapeños

Melaniee_fml 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 15:53

I don't think you can sexily bite a fork.

oxker 7

Sunday 23 October 2016 5:13

Go ahead and rub jalapeños on an open wound and tell me how it feels

Blue33_fml 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:06

YDI for trying too hard

tysta 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:07

Flirting on FML is a instant ydi. 3rd :>

Edwinadii 4

Tuesday 6 September 2011 13:28

Saying your number of comment on FML is an instant thumbs down. *Thumbs Down *

gaby904 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:08

ouch.. but YDI.. this is like the 100th FML about things going wrong while people try to "flirt".. getting old

rukusrazor 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:09

Sooo... you cut your lip, then ordered a lunch that had jalapenos in it? What part is the FML? Did you not order jalapenos? Also, learn to spell jalapenos. /jalapenos.

DomoCullen 0

Thursday 1 July 2010 1:39

#5 the jalapeños juice was on the fork and got in the cut

cherry_blossom 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:12

ydi for sure..next time don't be stupid. don't try too hard. dumb.

Jaywin 3

Friday 29 May 2009 16:13

Wow...you were trying WAY too hard. That goes beyond just flirting into the "throwing yourself at him" stage.

Indiana_fml 4

Friday 29 May 2009 16:14

Haha, that never happens in the movies. But it should.

rice_cake 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:16

Hahaha your silly :) Never try to imitate things out of movies. It never looks as good in real life.. just put on. Instead, next time have sex with him with your eyes. Trust me.. it works!

kingbeau 0

Friday 29 May 2009 16:17

Biting a fork is not sexy.... Should it be? And who flirts with body language? I might just be dense but I'm a lot less likely to notice an actual message in body language than I would be to notice if the person... I don't know... actually said it! Seriously, body language is all well and good, but its mostly subconscious isn't it? If you're trying too hard to fake body language then its just going to look stupid...