kids

Gun control

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 20:01

Today, our 9 year-old son managed to shoot himself in the gut with my nail gun. According to my wife, this is completely my fault, because I ONLY kept it in my locked garage, ONLY secured in its box, ONLY completely disconnected from the power, ONLY on the highest shelf near the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 158

Such a sweet little boy

By no, YOU raised him - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said, "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 749

You deserved it 6 766

C'mon Kids

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé walked out on me saying he loved me dearly, but not enough to continue parenting my three kids from my previous marriage because they hate him, he now hates them, and they’re not his problem to continue dealing with. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 777

Go wild!

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 05:01

Today, now our boys are older, my husband doesn’t care what they do. Apparently, if he knows what they’re doing, he’ll have to get off his chair and parent, which will annoy both him and the boys, so it’s easier to let the boys destroy their room, because at least then everyone but me is happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 174

Little shit

By Anonymous - 12/12/2021 16:58

Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 1 760

Wake up

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 23:01

TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 2 556

Young love

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 17:02

Today, I walked in on my son having sex with his girlfriend. An hour later, I did it again and got quite annoyed, and yelled at them for having sex again. He said, "What do you mean again? We haven’t finished yet." My son has been having sex for over an hour. Man, do I feel inadequate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 2 161

I know him so weeeeell…

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 05:00

Today, while discussing kids, my fiancé told me he has a kid already with his previous fiancé, but he hates kids so much, he left and moved to this country before it was born. He doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, because he simply doesn’t give a toss. Yes, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 777

Kinda deserved it

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 14:02

Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 1 678

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 17:01

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 417

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 08:01

Today, not only is my son stupid enough to spend £50 on a bag of garden weeds because the dealer told him it was marijuana, he's also stupid enough to refuse to believe he was conned, and try to smoke it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 212

Hypocritical

By creepingjennie - 09/12/2021 04:59

Today, I realized that the only thing that relieves my chronic facial pain is vaping CBD. I previously was very vocal about how much I hate smoking and vaping. My kids think I'm a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 1 057

You wouldn't let it lie

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 13:59 - United States - Verona

Today, I couldn't have a conversation with my mother without it turning into yet another rehash of 20 years of bad family history, like a broken record. An hour later and I just want to jump out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 120

Cold

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 22:59

Today, my dad justified leaving two of my three kids out of his will because they’re adopted and so not really his proper grandchildren, telling me I can’t seriously expect him to just give his money to people who aren’t real family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 258

Mr Whiskers takes priority

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 16:58

Today, my daughter forgot my birthday. When I asked her, she said she'd remembered my birthday, but was too busy at work to acknowledge it. However, she did have time to post a message on Facebook, wishing a happy birthday to her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 139

Priorities

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 11:01

Today, my ex called to ask me to pick up our kids, because she'd scored a hot date and didn't have time, and then didn't answered the phone over the next two hours. I live 80 miles away and have no idea what school they go to, since they moved to a new city. How the fuck did the judge give her full custody? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 208

Barf

By sewraerae - 07/12/2021 04:59 - United States - Tampa

Today, while I took a short nap, my husband thought it would be a good idea to give our 9 month-old a shake with a whole milk base, despite being told several times he can’t digest it. Later, while we were out and about, he threw up. I rode home in the backseat with the baby, covered in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 147

Remember One Direction stans?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 432

You deserved it 5 815

Mystery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year-old guy who cleans our pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 536

You deserved it 8 066

Gaslighting 101

By mommy issues - 04/12/2021 04:56 - United States

Today, my mom refuses to believe that she’s responsible for my anxiety and nervous bowel conditions. She has screamed and berated me literally every day since I can remember. She would burst into my room and accuse me of hiding someone in there, and constantly used her religion to bully me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 153

What the F are you doing?

By WaychulMonster - 03/12/2021 02:03 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when I got back from running errands, I had to explain to my 50 year-old mother-in-law the dangers of suffocation. She let my 5 year-old daughter play with the plastic packaging from water bottles, and it was OK because, "it was only on her head for 2-3 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 132

Fatherly pride

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 14:01

Today, my wife insisted we start a college fund for our son, even though from where we were sat in the kitchen, we could clearly see him eating ice cream he'd just dropped on the floor, while picking at his belly button. He’s 13. College, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 406

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 19:58

Today, my eldest son keeps threatening to run away, and I found out that his sister is encouraging him, because she recently found out what ”inheritance” means, and thinks she’ll get more if he’s gone, or at the very least she can have his bigger bedroom and all his cool stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 183

Don't break my stuff

By erin - 30/11/2021 11:01

Today, I complained to my mom about her always acting cold towards me, and that it feels like she doesn’t love me anymore. Her response was, “You’re damn right I don’t, not since you broke my favorite glass last year.” She used to tell me she’d always love me no matter what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 139

Times have changed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 22:58

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 521

Legal Eagle

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 05:01

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 2 798

Speed dating

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that the 28 year-old woman I hooked up with a week ago is a widow and her kids, who I’ve met once, have started calling me Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 328

Crypto bro

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 05:00

Today, I told my son to get a job and start paying rent. Five minutes later he transferred me rent for the next 5 years. When I demanded to know where he got that kind of money, he showed me his bank statements. He’s made more money mining Bitcoin than I’ve made in 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 1 385

Mother nature's son

By Rita - 24/11/2021 10:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my son brought home a fawn, saying it’s his new pet. I objected and told him to put it back in the woods, because the mom deer must be worried. He threw a tantrum, told me to stop getting in the way of their "bond” and stormed off to his room with it. He’s 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 268

Teamwork

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 05:01

Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 225

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Music Money Cars Embarrassing Birthday Furniture Kids Toys Frustration Relatable Love Sex Miscellaneous Parents Argument Transportation Annoying Shopping Grandparents Awkward Cute First Dates Cooking Pranks AITA Work Family Poopoo peepee Health Swimming pool

The Top

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot when he screamed in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 678

You deserved it 12 330

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 165

You deserved it 2 869

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 208

You deserved it 481

Today, my mom asked me what I did with the first paycheck from my first "big girl" job. I told her I paid down my credit debt like a responsible adult. She rolled her eyes and said she was disappointed in me for not treating myself. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 115

Today, I'm in hospital after a bad accident. An old friend of mine came to my ward, looked around, and asked if I needed any help. I asked him to stay and talk a bit, because we haven't seen each other since his wedding. He said, "Nah bro, I gotta go, or my wife will kill me. We're planning a sex night, by the way", and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 196

Today, my therapist died from a heart attack, all while telling me not to stress over anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 89