Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed 'Oh my god!' for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a tv into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2010 at 2:32am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

by Jordid / 08/19/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

by XxMe123xx / 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm / Intimacy

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

by ...thanks honey / 08/18/2010 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

by Photagrapher / 08/18/2010 at 12:09am / Intimacy

Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

by ew. / 08/17/2010 at 12:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

by sarskii / 08/16/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

by Anthony / 08/15/2010 at 9:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

by Peekaman / 08/15/2010 at 6:31pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

by bbbblt / 08/15/2010 at 7:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy