Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my mom has been randomly searching my room. I've asked her repeatedly to stop, but she says it's her right as a parent. In retaliation I started searching their room when they were out, and found porn mags and DVDs. I confronted mom about it. Long story short, dad's in a hotel. What have I done?! FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML
Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML
Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML
Today, my mom caught me watching porn, and now she has learned just how easy it is to access porn online, she's sending as many messages as she can to every porn site she can find, telling them they should shut down for the sake of Christian decency. She actually thinks they’ll listen to her. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
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Top comments
joeyl2008 29
Why does anyone pay for ****? There are tons of free pornsites out there! Trust me I know.
\ 28
Deadbeat Dad strikes again.
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Comments (48)
712sash 26
Maybe, explain this to your mum?
LickitungJr 8
Yeah, like she'll believe him
DenBriZel 31
Like he hasn't tried that already?
\ 28
Deadbeat Dad strikes again.
idiotgenius 15
More like beat-off dad.
StillUsesMyspace 22
more like genius dad
\ 28
#28 - That was a stroke of IdiotGenius. :D
AnOriginalName 19
Deadbeat dad strokes again?
Helpfulman 17
Its actually good to have a parent on your side for one of these things.
smokecloud_ 37
Except neither of them are on OP's side. :(
TheZigg 8
Denmark...
J15237 25
That is true, but in this case OP didn't do a damn thing. They got ****** over by their father and clearly their mother doesn't care.
joeyl2008 29
Why does anyone pay for ****? There are tons of free pornsites out there! Trust me I know.
letmehavemytea 21
I was just about to say that. Seriously **** op's dad's life for being so ignorant of use of the Internet that he actually wasted money on ****.
JMichael 26
I know you do you dirty bastard.
\ 28
The best things on the Internet aren't free, you know.
gc327072 31
Ooohhhh yes they are B-)
jazzy_123 20
Op should say that. "Mom come on. Why would I pay for **** when I know of plenty of other FREE websites? .. dad on the other hand..." haha x)
EphMi 5
They must be those rare types that you can't get for free. Don't ask me, i don't know!
frozen92_fml 12
At least ask for the password to the account.
VampOfSavannah 31
I wouldn't want to know what my parents were into, would you? Lol
Das_is_gud 11
The reason this is an fml is because op could have been high quality Hd **** but he was sticking his 5 videos a day
AnOriginalName 19
^ If you disable your cookies, it won't limit you to five freebies a day. I read it somewhere else, didn't figure it out on my own....
smokecloud_ 37
Dont't lie to us, 56. :p We're hip to your game.
Bradley_Dillon 39
:o On mobile I dont have the 5 video limit anymore. It disapeared after I updated my phones OS.
XxAnnaXxBellexX 15
Why would your dad think that it's okay to do that? Either way he was going to get bitched out.
cricketsins 36
I'm not sure which part is more messed up: 1) That he took out a subscription in your name. 2) That he pays for **** when it is so readily available for free. 3) That he did not come clean to his wife. or 4) That your mother thinks that having a **** subscription makes you a **** addict. Also - this is the perfect opportunity for blackmail. I believe it would be well deserved. Mhm.
auro7 18
Some websites have 'exclusive', HD, or focus on certain things that may be much more appealing. They charge money for things that are harder to find elsewhere.
Pleonasm 36
You'd have to be a **** addict to actually subscribe to ****.
cricketsins 36
If it were some kind of fetish thing - I could understand. Specific things are hard to find. Or if he's into the webcam chicks maybe. But lemme tell ya - if I'm paying for ****, it better be impossible to find elsewhere. But Maybe that's just my empty bank accounts talking. :p
auro7 18
Did he at least share the username/password with you?
frozen92_fml 12
Grrrrr.....
smokecloud_ 37
Aw why the downvotes for 8? If OP's taking the blame, he may as well reap the benefits..
auro7 18
Thank you #78. It was mostly sarcasm, but OP, hinting at the login might not be a bad idea..
REALAfroninga 11
Guys, what's ****?
chutney_02 22
If you don't know, this isn't an app/website that you should use
DragonDude 24
If you think he's serious, this isn't a website/app that you should use.
REALAfroninga 11
Alright guys I'm back, and lemme tell ya, it's alright. I didn't even know women could suck off horses!
Pleonasm 36
How did you think they got such bad Duckfaces?
koalabear_55 11
If you don't know what **** is you're too young to be on this website
REALAfroninga 11
Alright guys, I guess this has gone over to many heads... I'm 18, I know full well what **** is, and I made a bad joke. I deeply apologize to all those who spent their full focus and challenged the deepest thought waves on me not knowing what **** is, instead of putting, say, the square block in the round hole.
DragonDude 24
It seems that this is a... whoreable situation. I deserve any and all downvotes.
weveallbeenthere 30
Why would anyone pay for **** now there are so many free sites