Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML
Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML
Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
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Top comments
peachesncreem 21
At least it's an original idea?
dookiedoo 0
Too late I just patented that.
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Comments (152)
peachesncreem 21
At least it's an original idea?
matanblum 3
He mas making it for you bitch mom
matanblum 3
Directed at op
CheckItOutItsYou 7
^ So why did you reply to this persons comment?
Wederoney 16
Because he wanted to be on top for once.
McDonaldsworker 4
Uhh...can you spell "animal abuse"? On a side note I'd recommend that OP's dad see a mental health professional about his "original ideas".
MineIsBigger 5
wasnt something like this already invented...or was that just something from simpsons or family guy?
JadeWalker 14
Its already been invented
Jakesterk96 8
22- nice pun.
MissHayleyJames 7
It's been invented essentially. It's called an artificial ****** or AV and you fill part of it with warm water to reach optimal temperature and pressure to mimic a ****** then you lube it up. You can either hold it for the animal or install it in a phantom (a phantom is the big padded dummy the animal mounts) but holding it works better so you don't lose any semen.
achillies95 6
Nice hahaha
Jiplo 18
102- Uh, thanks for sharing? xP
leadrunner751 3
I don't see the FML
panicckk 0
it was possibly a joke from what I got. and if not, there is a thing called ***********. people do it. doesn't mean they r psycho.
jtthegr8 26
*********** reasons?
disco2466 8
TEST IT ON ME
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
It saddens me that this is from my home state..
xFluttershy 7
There's a job that requires you to push people into trains when they get stuck between the doors. Ask him if he's interested
BatteryAddict 11
If you have pets. . . Hide them.
M0rt 0
Only in Oregon.
Dukekamono 5
Wow a Oregon post
M0rt 0
Wow a guy from Oregon who doesn't know simply grammar, spelling, or whichever category this would fall under. *an
Superstitious 6
What's the main cause for **********? ...all of those sexy animals.
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
I've seen that! In Japan, they literally beat the passengers into the train if they're too slow.
dookiedoo 0
Too late I just patented that.
jtthegr8 26
3- your picture makes you look like a creeper... Nuff said
bacon1043 3
Haha your profile pic..
SweetPerfectionn 3
I like it xD
DrJesse 10
3- nice pic. The hair says "Let's party" the mustache/glasses combo adds "in my van" You win.
CryMoreFMLs 14
As long as the van has candy...
dookiedoo 0
Lmfao
teague95 16
No candy, but there's a tear-stained mattress
draegbomb 5
Is that Jared Allen?!
cykedelic 1
Does your mom have a picture from your sex offender profile hanging on the refrigerator with a "World's Best Son" magnet?
monicadempsy 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I want one.
ninjuh_wingman 29
The animals all appreciate the idea.
yahoowizard 16
Tbh, I feel animals can get laid a lot easier than humans can, so animals don't really have a reason to **********...whereas humans now, it's a crime to just go up to another person and have sex with them on the spot, so his invention shall benefit humans a lot more, in my opinion
Matty1188 6
What? Humans already have masturbators, there's an entire industry.
alstbv12 13
Seriously. If I had a dollar for every fleshlight ad I've seen...
CaptainPickles72 18
#36- It sounded like you were complaining rape was illegal, for a second. Plus, if I remember correctly, they use artificial insemination on animals for various reasons. This guy's invention could make their jobs easier, granted, if they don't have anything like this yet. Gotta get that sperm somehow! #58- You'd have enough money to actually buy a Fleshlight?
yahoowizard 16
58 ....I'd have 0 dollars, haha. And ofc not 109, just saying how easy it is to get laid as an animal, as opposed to a human
ssnowywinter 0
36, animals don't ********** because animals don't get pleasure from sex. I think the only ones that do are humans and dolphins.
PYLrulz 17
I'd buy that for a dollar!
old09 11
I'm pretty sure they have those already Sorry to let your father down
Calyx_fml 21
They do. It's for horse semen extraction to breed thoroughbreds.
ProhibitionRose 14
They also have one for cattle.
TheDrudgeChild 4
They have a sex doll for dogs as well, it even had an infomercial.
Jakesterk96 8
"Does your dog have a low sex life?"
MissHayleyJames 7
They're actually not used in thoroughbreds. That's one breed where you are banned from using them if you plan on the baby being a racehorse. The Jockey Club which oversees racing and breeding only allows live cover. Quarter horses however use it more than any other breed. All my horses are bred that way. It's a lot safer.
miserypoison 13
No one came up with it, therefore, profitable.
natewilson 9
You're ******* retarded.
Omegadolly 22
You know, it sounds like a good idea, what saving people from having to do that, but I could see the trial phases going horribly, horribly wrong.
jroxursox1 10
Yeah like when they test it on a grizzly bear. Or even better..... A moose.
AugustBurnsToast 14
He should go on Shark Tank with that lmao
yahoowizard 16
"I shall demonstrate here on this horse that has been separated from its wife for a few weeks now"
RedPillSucks 31
Sounds like the video of the horse ******* some guy. I think that did "end" horribly wrong.
alexaaat 0
hahahaha!