Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
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Top comments
tstew97 4
Way too easy of a joke sitting there.
KVKdragon 26
Even if the dad has a problem with their consensual sex, it is not within his rights to take it out on anyone either way. That's just projecting your anger over someone else's choices simply because you disagree with it. Not cool -_-
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Comments (77)
tstew97 4
Way too easy of a joke sitting there.
greeneyebeauty9 28
I'm pretty sure everyone just took this the wrong way.. bad word usage, OP.
NotGabe 28
Based on the username, I'm sure that's his intention.
cmath_fml 19
no matter how I read #1's comment, I can't figure out what they're trying to say. I even tried to Google it. can someone help?
lolfood 24
"Unloaded into me from behind". If you can't figure that out, then wow.
cmath_fml 19
I'm talking about #1's comment not the FML.
cmath_fml 19
I'm talking about #1's comment not the FML.
greeneyebeauty9 28
They're saying the whole "unloaded into me from behind" thing is the joke. Well, that's what I'm pretty sure he was getting at.
dcam13 19
Op you're obviously too young to be on the internet if you can't figure that out. He got "unloaded on" No 1 was just pointing out how blatant the joke was cause we all thought it after reading the fml.
cmath_fml 19
must be a turn of phrase I'm not familiar with. thanks anyway :-)
Enslaved 36
#24, I doubt cmath is the "OP".
RedPillSucks 31
Remember that this is a world wide site and your colloquialisms may not be understood everywhere. #1 was insinuating that the dad ejaculated on OP. His back now. Being sore from rough anal sex. Yeah. It's not as funny when you have to say it.
cksmith51 14
I seriously thought he meant what you're thinking, the context is poor
thefastnfuryass 14
Take one for the team!
shyeahh_fml 19
How is the context poor? OP's talking about paintball, not sodomy. Despite the word usage, the intended meaning is fairly obvious.
tstew97 4
Sure sounds like surprise buttseches to me. " snuck up and unloaded from behind me". Come on folks that's pretty easy pun there.
nguido731 3
That sucks man. Despite what many think, paintballs can really hurt
blissmiss17 16
I agree, paintball guns aren't something to mess with. If OP was shot within a close range, it could have potentially broken his spine or caused other serious damage:/
uniteandfight 9
Agreed. My mom got shot from far away and couldn't wear her wedding ring for a week
Rallred32 20
I feel sorry for ops brothers girlfriends dad for being so ignorant.
Rallred32 20
What else am I supposed to say besides something comforting?
thereal_BA 5
nothing at all.
muzy 23
You're trying way too hard....
Rallred32 20
How am I trying too hard? I wasn't trying to get attention, all I said was that ops brothers girlfriends father was being ignorant by shooting whatever looked like his daughters boyfriend.
ChristianH39 30
Just quit while you're only three comments down.
Beansforbill 14
Fml might not be for you^^ Sorry #45
Thatgirl299 15
#45 just.. stop. please.
dcam13 19
Damn op, that swallows.
KVKdragon 26
Even if the dad has a problem with their consensual sex, it is not within his rights to take it out on anyone either way. That's just projecting your anger over someone else's choices simply because you disagree with it. Not cool -_-
TheDrifter 23
Getting your girlfriend pregnant before you're both ready and capable of raising a child is a stupid decision. And stupidity should be painful. Unfortunately op bore the results of his brothers stupidity.
meli1195 31
Who said they weren't ready...
jazzy_123 20
who said it was their decision to have a child...
DemosthenesMB 13
#31 Maybe they are ready, it never said they weren't.
DemosthenesMB 13
They probably weren't ready though if she was still his girlfriend.
williamcarter93 13
what does being or not being girlfriend have to do with being ready for a kid? One does not have to get married to be ready for a kid.
BMTHsuperfan 18
I'm sure your back isnt the only one thats hurting..
greeneyebeauty9 28
What....?
BMTHsuperfan 18
as in his brother's girlfriend's back is probably hurting due to said pregnancy.
FucYoCouch 13
Wow, 13, the way I percieved your initial comment was no where close to your explanation.
RedPillSucks 31
It's unlikely that she's very pregnant if she's allowed to play paintball.
honeymoonroyale 20
Lol well the username...?
MidnaLink 33
My thoughts exactly…
NineInchSacks 11
Plot twist
pjsr 32
He must have been packing something powerful
ChristianH39 30
Nah, I work at a paintball field. in my experience any paintball gun can hurt if you get close enough and get hit enough, even rental guns which are generally on the low side velocity wise.
babygurll19 10
Be thankful the dad didn't get you in your "paintballs"
IAmMe204 25
I'm more intrigued with the name you used to publish the FML...o.O XP