Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML
Today, as I was taking care of my mom while my dad was at work, she fell asleep. This would be fine, except she has one of the worst cases of sleep apnea ever recorded. Her snores are so loud, they almost sound like gunshots. I can't leave her alone or block out the sound in case she stops breathing for too long. FML
Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML
Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, and like every day before it, my boyfriend’s snoring is keeping me up all night. FML
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Top comments
Purpl3_Ninja 5
At least she cares :D
ChucktheNorris 0
Well at least you won't die now..
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Comments (140)
ChucktheNorris 0
Well at least you won't die now..
xSonic 9
Lack of sleep can cause the death of a person in various ways
docscientist 10
Don't you ******* question Chuck.
acisking 1
Actually there's this thing called sleep apnea and it's when your heart stops in your sleep, that's one of the symptoms:/
THE_A_TEEN 28
You guys know it, but Chuck Norris doesn't know this. He never sleeps and gets his 8 hours of rest. So him not knowing sleep apnea is normal for him.
smileeee_fml 0
Get one of those eye covering masks that people use to sleep with that say ' I'm Awake ' or the ones that have the picture of 2 eye balls wide open on them. She'll never bother you again. Problem solved.
MedKits 9
21- Thank you for being the hypochondriac of the FML board. I think you for your service, however I HIGHLY doubt that man has sleep apnea.
smileeee_fml 0
But then again she cares for you to keep checking up on you :-)
MedKits 9
Thank* I will work harder to redeem my honor with my next post.
ilovesarcasm 18
21- No dear. Your heart stopping in your sleep is a trip to DocBastard. Sleep apnea is when the airway in your throat is not fully open, causing you to lose oxygen. You gasp for air whilst you sleep and if severe enough, it will cause asphyxiation. That's why they wear masks on their faces. It pumps air into the throat. Loud snoring is a symptom. If you're going to scare someone, scare 'em right! ;)
THE_A_TEEN 28
No no, heart stopping in your sleep happens when KaySL loves you unconditionally. A trip to DocBastard is much, much, MUCH worse. It involves slow, painful toture.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Torture
imaginaryvoice 18
Next time she does this, don't move.
ilovesarcasm 18
47, you had me at tourture. Will you teach me more?
wisese 0
36, you don't know ANYTHING about op except that he snores and when he stops snoring, it worries his wife enough to wake him up. If you TRULY are a physician assistant, then why don't you recognize the classic symptom of sleep apnea?
EminGH 7
What a total idiot! Tell her to stop. Crazy idea, I know, but just consider it.
Zoranius 6
I'm reading this at night and i'm afraid of going to sleep.. ****
cassi135t 1
Chuck Norris invented cheeseburgers... by throwing a cow at a chainlink fence... haha off topic but I thought it was a good opportunity.
ChucktheNorris 0
Hell yeah I did^^ and # 20. I f***ing love you now.
Purpl3_Ninja 5
At least she cares :D
imustbeinsane 2
Yes, and I know with time it must get on his nerves, but thats still one of the sweetest things Ive ever heard
monkeysareyummy 0
How do any of you get the needed amount of sleep? But still OP, at least you know she loves you.
thisisafunnyname 12
it's wishful thinking by the wife
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Do you snore that loud that she wakes up when she doesn't hear the airplane jet in her ear?
firelighter 3
Yeah, but I think he would be happier if she had spent her nights sleeping rather than waking him. My dad had the same problem, it passed when he bought a water-pillow. Maybe it's a clue...
Jewnut 0
As crazy as that is its still pretty sweet
SillyFart 7
Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy the day! :)
wisese 0
It's not crazy at all. Snoring is a sign of sleep apnea. Op might have sleep apnea. When he stops snoring, that may be a sign that he stops breathing briefly. If that's the case, his wife is worried and is waking him up to ensure he's okay. People with sleep apnea never know they have it. It takes someone else to notice something is wrong.
kaengelangeleyes 9
I came here to say the same. Your oxygen levels drop dangerously when you have sleep apnea. You can get brain damage and lice a shorter life if its not treated.
Lizzy500 16
OP may or may not have sleep apnea, there's no way to diagnose that on the internet. But if he hasn't been checked for it, maybe he should. If he does have it, he can get a CPAP and if he doesn't, then his wife can relax and leave him alone. It's a win/win. FWIW, my husband does have sleep apnea, and before he got diagnosed, I would wake up when the snoring stopped. You get so used to the sound, the lack of it is alarming. And I've had to wake him up after watching him not breathe for several seconds. It's much nicer now sleeping next to Darth Vader, because before it was like sleeping with the vacuum cleaner.
poopmonster05 3
Well, don't stop snoring.
WCARlover 35
Cause he can control it when he's sleeping...
Rei_Ayanami 18
They COULD get a recording of snoring and play it all night, but then they have to sleep through it.
Yourheadache 19
it sucks but a least you know she cares enough to stay up all night just to make sure you are snoring.
MikeDa1Da 14
Did he die???
Kyzahhh 7
Yes just before posting this...
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yes, he's posting this as a zombie. Now he will perform the Michael Jackson "Thriller" dance with Michael.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Shit, this is what happens when someone beats you by on minute. ****...
ChelseaGrin112 14
So If she does this every hour, does she like never sleep and just listen to you and watch you sleep?
kimmy91 12
Wow she actually WANTS you to snore?!
jes1610 6
I do that to my dog all the time!!! And I usually wake my boyfriend to stop him from snoring!
MUC_fml 5
you are lucky someone loves you this much and that she feels comfortable with your snores.