Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
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Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML
Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
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Top comments
perdix 29
She probably just had the taste of penis on her lips and got confused. Honest mistake, no harm done :D
massinator5 4
Those magazines are evil, man
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Comments (132)
judea95 16
Different penis's have a different taste surely so she should only be able to recognise his
bayliebug 14
LOL, I can't imagine saying that to my boyfriend in a serious manner. "YOUR LIPS TASTE LIKE PENIS!" ... What? a MAGAZINE is really telling chicks to check for these things? Well, at least she wasn't stupid/paranoid enough to think it up on her own.
thejimler 9
The whole marketing plan of Cosmo and other women's magazines is to write articles about how to make themselves more pretty and to attract guys, then later on the articles are about "X number of signs to tell if he's cheating on you" with common behavioral traits that most if not all men have. This sows the seeds of mistrust and coupled with that rag's tips for revenge, either leads to the woman cheating/dumping him, the guy dumping her for being a paranoid bitch and possibly destroying his belongings, and the cycle repeats itself.
siggy_mcsigx 22
I will never understand irrational, accusatory women like this. My boyfriend mentions the girls who flirt with him and all I do is chat about it with him and then we discuss guys who have hit on me (we're in a long-distance relationship now) and neither of us are bothered. There's never any need for drama.
kasmol 16
Maybe she got confused by the FML about Cheese Wiz ******? Had you been eating cheese?
kasmol 16
Tell her you were being a dick all day at work.
Omniprism 14
Good grief.
zadian 5
Don't trust females that read Cosmo
schalk 12
So just to be sure, cosmo advises you to kiss him open mouth, suspecting he's just gone down on someone? You should probably expect such drivel from a magazine who thinks not flossing after soon after meals is one of the signs of a good lover. ps OP what did you eat that tastes like rooster? We want to avoid ever ordering that.
carcinogenic 7
And that's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.