“Only here for the kids” is the absolute worst thing you can do for the kids 99% of the time. Your kids are looking at you to model healthy relationships for them. If you don’t—such as, say, being in a loveless marriage—that is what they’ll seek out instead. Besides which, like… you deserve happiness and affection too, dude. That’s important.

Divorce and get joint custody. Everyone will be happier, especially you and your children.

If you think this isn't hurting your kids, reassess. As a child of parents who 'stayed together for the sake of the kids' it does more damage to watch your parents hating and hurting each other for staying trapped in a dead relationship because the kids BLAME THEMSELVES for all that misery. It's better to have separate BUT HAPPY parents than to be made the reason for the hell you're all living in. I'm sorry that your wife has treated you like this but you need to move on so you can BOTH make your kids happy. Happy parents = happy kids. Miserable parents = miserable kids. I've never understood why this equation appears to be Rocket Science to so many people.

as someone who's parents were never together and who's larger family is pretty broken... being together isn't what's best for the kids, being civil and non-toxic towards eachother and the situation is what's best. my uncle is still married to a woman he hates for their son, they yell and scream day in and day out for 15 years and used him as a tactic to get at eachother. now he has those toxic traits, he's overly angry and conniving.

Get a girlfriend. Your wife obviously doesn't want to give you love and affection, so she can't really object to getting that elsewhere. Meanwhile, maintain your partnership in your child-rearing corporation.

You poor thing! and I mean that sincerely. No one deserves a horrible relationship like that, not you or the kids. Take them and leave. You deserve so much better.