Kids: Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept... - FML

By thanks, dad... - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked "who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43029

You deserved it

14416

Tweet

Share

Lockdown is driving us down

Recycling helps

Kick the bum out, part 2

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42443

You deserved it

4675

Tweet

Share

By Forgotten One - France

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29812

You deserved it

4908

Tweet

Share

By goodbye cruel world - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9013

You deserved it

34532

Tweet

Share

By ummPORQUE - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34920

You deserved it

70507

Tweet

Share

By micahmatt - United States

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72052

You deserved it

5023

Tweet

Share

By Salzburg

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1958

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By took it - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43674

You deserved it

8306

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3161

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By Phil - Canada

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20488

You deserved it

3221

Tweet

Share

By amythest - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42676

You deserved it

3128

Tweet

Share

By mike - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45393

You deserved it

4103

Tweet

Share

By heymacie - United States - Beckley

Today, it was my second day at my new job as a bank teller. I got locked in the vault while alarms were being tested. I was in there for an hour and none of my coworkers had even noticed that I'd gone missing. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14038

You deserved it

1153

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37082

You deserved it

3973

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41813

You deserved it

3681

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44113

You deserved it

5947

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Kennewick

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21713

You deserved it

1720

Tweet

Share

By JadedBaker - United States

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39946

You deserved it

1979

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - La Verne

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7763

You deserved it

41538

Tweet

Share

By DogStew

Pumped-up Tanks

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

594

You deserved it

1768

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3130

You deserved it

308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after getting home from the supermarket, I went to unlock the door so my dad could carry the groceries in. No matter how hard or how many different ways I tried, the lock wouldn't shift. My dad eventually grabbed the keys, twisted once, and after the door unlocked, called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35458

You deserved it

10567

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2020 16:00

Wrong place, right time

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks

444

You deserved it

1807

Tweet

Share

By ineedbetterfriends - Netherlands - Amersfoort

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40552

You deserved it

5713

Tweet

Share

By Pikababy19 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and heard the shower running. Would have been nice to know my father in law was here before I walked in naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13407

You deserved it

2150

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29152

You deserved it

2915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9035

You deserved it

36431

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, whom I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10533

You deserved it

1599

Tweet

Share

By facepalm - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30417

You deserved it

2332

Tweet

Share

By Too manly - United States - Stockton

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42424

You deserved it

4515

Tweet

Share

By thankyouforcalling - United States - Bremerton

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28214

You deserved it

2096

Tweet

Share

By 1suckatL1fe - United States

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29713

You deserved it

72203

Tweet

Share

By Lonely - United States

Today, it was the last day of camp. I told my friends we should exchange e-mail addresses so we could stay in touch. Apparently, they all had already exchanged their contact info. Nobody asked me for one piece of my contact info even once during the entire six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35597

You deserved it

4672

Tweet

Share

By Lunar-Spice

Free the Flow!

Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1640

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By letdown - 19/7/2020 14:01

Great timing

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1431

You deserved it

646

Tweet

Share

By smh - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28599

You deserved it

2254

Tweet

Share

By feelinnauseous - United States

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52901

You deserved it

15678

Tweet

Share

By mylifesucks - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50100

You deserved it

10217

Tweet

Share

By JackieD - United States - Bellevue

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42015

You deserved it

16158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22434

You deserved it

1535

Tweet

Share

By Fartnonymous - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22579

You deserved it

2642

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sxm | 13

#5651351 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:23

Go to bed earlier next time!

By massinator5 | 4

#5651352 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:23

My dad texts me when I'm talking to people on the computer, saying go to sleep, I'm 19 haha

COMMENTS

By sxm | 13

#5651351 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:23

Go to bed earlier next time!

By massinator5 | 4

#5651352 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:23

My dad texts me when I'm talking to people on the computer, saying go to sleep, I'm 19 haha

Reply

Caitie_kid | 8

#5651516 - Saturday 31 August 2013 4:23

Lol, parental wins

Reply

Lea Basler | 9

#7606811 - Saturday 3 March 2018 20:23

you live in his house you play by his rules, as simple as

By realtingdis | 12

#5651353 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:24

#3

By xtremlysean | 6

#5651354 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:24

That's creepy and funny at the same time.

Reply

Debragga99 | 6

#5656099 - Tuesday 3 September 2013 2:56

32 Well that was unnescessary

By emilyjgraham | 34

#5651360 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:26

Haha I think your dad sounds quite cool! Although the heavy breathing part is a bit creepy...

Reply

Sweet_Meli | 11

#5651412 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:47

Maybe he has asthma and he can't help it :p

Reply

Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5651546 - Saturday 31 August 2013 4:51

haha funny

Reply

Phuzix | 7

#5652035 - Saturday 31 August 2013 16:44

That's exactly what I was thinking too!

By perdix | 29

#5651361 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:26

'MANIA!

A pretty lenient punishment from the country that brought us Vlad the Impaler and Ilie Nastase.

By shaww | 28

#5651362 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:26

I've gotten something like that before... except it was at 3am, my parents were asleep, and the person kept saying, "I will find you, and I will kill you"

Reply

BellaBear90 | 27

#5651487 - Saturday 31 August 2013 4:00

... So quite different to that really. How far past your bedtime was it?

Reply

Caitie_kid | 8

#5651523 - Saturday 31 August 2013 4:27

You should have replied "Not if I find you first" or "I've found you. I'm on my way". Would've probably scared the piss out of the preteen that was pranking you.

By lonewolf621 | 17

#5651364 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:26

Your dad is awesome! Definately going to try that trick.

Reply

ButterflyLadyBug | 14

#5651391 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:32

I was going to say the same thing ! lol you beat me to it ! lol !

Reply

greeneyebeauty9 | 28

#5821780 - Thursday 9 January 2014 6:54

It really bugs me how a lot of people can't spell "definitely" properly. .

By eriksen | 16

#5651365 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:26

But who made the call then??
- Every blond woman in the world.

Just kidding, I sort of respect women.

By kkscott | 26

#5651367 - Saturday 31 August 2013 2:26

Still better than a horror movie...

Reply

DEATHBYEX1LE | 11

#5651709 - Saturday 31 August 2013 6:43

No, I don't believe it is.