Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my...

By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29335

You deserved it

9270

Favorite

Animals

Social distancing gone wrong

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Incognito browsing

By embarassed - 20/3/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37932

You deserved it

10454

Favorite

By Richocet - 18/5/2009 00:35 - Canada

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22097

You deserved it

36229

Favorite

By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - 25/7/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4088

You deserved it

512

Favorite

By save me - 30/5/2014 22:33 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously considered faking my entire family's deaths to escape it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41584

You deserved it

4710

Favorite

By abi_vet_student - 13/2/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46762

You deserved it

7028

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9193

You deserved it

31574

Favorite

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25529

You deserved it

4448

Favorite

By ZG_Rules - 20/3/2015 14:38 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34548

You deserved it

2949

Favorite

By FML - 29/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38123

You deserved it

7472

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39083

You deserved it

8983

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 04:12 - United States

John Coltrane

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74404

You deserved it

21940

Favorite

By noonotme - 5/9/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27361

You deserved it

6629

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2013 04:57 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47587

You deserved it

17442

Favorite

By ygma - 1/12/2015 16:39 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26343

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:58 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41875

You deserved it

4099

Favorite

By wonder woman - 8/9/2012 04:47 - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23965

You deserved it

3603

Favorite

By abutorac951 - 16/3/2020 16:48

Panic! At the Costco

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1595

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37897

You deserved it

49901

Favorite

By mandm - 24/9/2013 21:01 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39163

You deserved it

4920

Favorite

By Archie - 7/1/2010 08:31 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

I agree, your life sucks

27372

You deserved it

4199

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/9/2018 20:30

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to "mixed" aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2418

You deserved it

568

Favorite

By AnnaWusHere - 3/9/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29038

You deserved it

3982

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10196

You deserved it

28331

Favorite

By nikkiquila_0699 - 5/9/2009 21:24 - Canada

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50248

You deserved it

4773

Favorite

By marriagesux - 29/12/2010 07:12 - United States

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25608

You deserved it

4628

Favorite

By Meh - 1/3/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70777

You deserved it

2801

Favorite

By afather - 14/6/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39239

You deserved it

6491

Favorite

By DogStew - 15/9/2019 20:00

Pumped-up Tanks

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

591

You deserved it

1752

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/2/2015 00:34 - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40787

You deserved it

4119

Favorite

By backwardsinlife - 5/10/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9385

You deserved it

45413

Favorite

By dog_day - 19/12/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28285

You deserved it

2682

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40852

You deserved it

3629

Favorite

By James - 12/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Lost

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

682

You deserved it

1510

Favorite

By paperbagofdoom - 29/5/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43569

You deserved it

5112

Favorite

By hiddenplainly - 24/2/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6165

You deserved it

1172

Favorite

By awkword - 31/12/2014 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44885

You deserved it

3800

Favorite

By nerp - 29/3/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18915

You deserved it

2648

Favorite

By goldie09 - 18/2/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20645

You deserved it

5191

Favorite

By Benji - 20/5/2009 19:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51436

You deserved it

7469

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/7/2015 02:21 - United States

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26954

You deserved it

2387

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cutycat136 | 28

#6225552 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:31

Lesson #1: dogs have a great sense of smell. If you have it, they will find it. Don't hide it on you.

By vikingchick | 22

#6225590 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:59

Wow not many positive rated comments here. I'm sorry to hear that a dog ripped through your clothes. I hope you're doing alright. :)

COMMENTS

By brunettesara5722 | 17

#6225540 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:28

Aww next time throw it & run if you have time

150493x | 29

#6225599 - Sunday 8 March 2015 17:13

I doubt for OP that there will be a next time

By aidanrulz11 | 10

#6225543 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:29

Poor you

By SS99_fml | 20

#6225545 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:30

Is that what they're callin it these days?

sureshadow | 23

#6226771 - Monday 9 March 2015 18:21

I thought this was funny

By Sneado | 20

#6225547 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:30

We win some, we lose some.

thecalvin123 | 21

#6225767 - Sunday 8 March 2015 20:36

What exactly did OP win?

By kinky44 | 28

#6225548 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:30

Must have been a Scooby snack, dogs will do some CRAZY stuff for those.

Daevas | 18

#6227086 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 0:12

Like speak!

By apineapple | 40

#6225550 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:31

Every dog has its day.

By iTzSelverZz | 14

#6225551 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:31

Well, you cant hide any treats from that dog apparently.

DarkPandaXD | 13

#6225648 - Sunday 8 March 2015 18:11

I'm pretty sure you can't hide treats from ANY dog seeing as they have a great sense of smell.

Stormcloak | 20

#6225863 - Sunday 8 March 2015 23:04

My dog can't find treats we lay out in front of her.

By cutycat136 | 28

#6225552 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:31

Lesson #1: dogs have a great sense of smell. If you have it, they will find it. Don't hide it on you.

Noelletakumi | 36

#6225651 - Sunday 8 March 2015 18:15

Reminds me of Gary and the cookie in Patrick's pants.

mischiefkel | 17

#6226325 - Monday 9 March 2015 9:02

Reminds me of American dad, when Barry sniffs out the ham in Steve's pants

By WitEluded | 13

#6225556 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:32

At least it only tore holes through your clothing...

WitEluded | 13

#6225579 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:51

I guess the injuries were implied here... Oh well, can't win 'em all.

By jamesderp | 15

#6225558 - Sunday 8 March 2015 16:32

Ruff day, eh?