Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
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Top comments
A_Guy 0
This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further
mehungie2 3
That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.
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Comments (298)
doof_fisch 2
Did you spank the dog after you spanked the monkey?
yojoeletsmakeout 0
Ohh look at me, I'm calling bullshit on an fml. I'm so cool! Seriously people, nobody cares if these are fake or not, just enjoy it for the humour. And rofl, #20. That IS pretty awesome.
dnotter 0
You saw a beautiful person and had to go wack off? Jeez, you must spend a lot of your life running to your bedroom...
zymn 6
i like how people are like "LOCK YOUR DOORS" because i don't even HAVE a lock on my door. it has a door knob on one side of it so i can open and close it... OP: wow. well, i say you deserve it. i mean, come on. be a man. see a hot woman? hit on her. unless you're under 18. but still, control yourself. if you see a hot woman on a train or a bus, do you sit down and start spankin it right away?
dspadres 0
I'd suggest staying out of places where you might see hot women walking around, a.k.a earth, if you have to run off and whack the bag after seeing one. Do what we all do...save it for later.
sweetenday 0
How embarrassing for your dog
Hazimius 0
You ********** during a party? Couldn't you wait...?
lamenessabounds 0
did you finish?
Curtieeeez 0
Just why? ._.
hpnerd 0
you. are. disgusting.