Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
cwmbear 0
lol. Nice one
raider27 7
So Uh.... did u let it continue?
futtbuck101 1
that sucks
Ryley1 0
An erection is the penis becoming engorged with blood. so If the mosquito was sucking his blood out how did he keep the erection?
juliahockey 0
suck it up, literally.
a_nutritionist 10
@91 because mosquitos arent the size of a dog...
counterfit 10
If you see a female mosquito big enough to suck all the blood out of even the tiniest little tadger when hard, you've probably travelled back into the Jurassic period.
kruzito 0
how much did it charge?
cvilla0713 0
hahaha! nice pic
Lehk 9
would have to be a huge mosquito or a very tiny penis for the amount of blood a mosquito takes to have any effect at all
seanders 10
Well that'll be fun to scratch later on...
tobby16 0
good question
MagicGiraffe 12
Consider yourself lucky, coulda been a tick
TimeDisposalEngi 14
113 I lol'd
hatemylife45 9
You are retarded!
chopsuey310 0
haha i get it!!!
Kraken_NOR 2
I honestly can not stop laughing.
cbdee 8
You know he did!
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
Bizenghastly 0
this fml was only kinda funny, your comment however was brilliant ^_^ thankiiis
CityCunt 0
#3 that was epic. lmao
Lauinater 4
haha...
cwmbear 0
I know what you mean...
doubleodoggy 0
you're just jealous that he'll get extra masturbation time when he's scratching the mosquito bite on his d*ck.
mygreenhoodie 0
dear penthouse...
cocobulla1 4
lmao!! and 169, I have ur pic!!! lmao
michelleissexy 0
WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jordanalexis97 0
Atleast you can say that you were sucked this morning.
i_like_girls 0
yeah he could,but then look like a jackass when asked who sucked him...
jakezanerd 0
... or how much it cost him
seenyou 3
damn that's gonna itch all day . well it will make your dick look larger , if you know what I mean :)
Autoshot 9
It's more likely that people will think he has crabs if they see him scratching at his crotch through his pants all day.
i8itb4u 0
/
alazae 0
lol
hedgerow 0
not missing out on much? obviously this guy doesn't know what he's talking about.... hmmmm
solid2dew 6
...shit just got weird
DjeePee 25
I didn't know mosquito's were able to do that...Well, you could better start to wear pants now.
lolrofl69 0
flying spageti monster XD
blondebrunette11 4
come to think about it...ur profile pic looks like a mosquito....Whats going on?
fluorescentadole_fml 8
178 hahaha very good, your faith is strong, sighting him and all.
amrik 11
you forgot your mother
Bizenghastly 0
^_^ a 'your mom' joke, how original
thegrant 0
What are you 8 years old?
Bizenghastly 0
excuse I'm meant that to be sarcastic . I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.
Bizenghastly 0
lols oopsiiis I erred ^_^ (HOORAY for sarcasm & the occasional confusion it brings) forgive?
btnhdude 0
yo momma's so easy, a caveman could do her.
greensweater124 0
#160 do what your pic says.
xxsarahfxx 6
Well at least It's better than nothing!
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
ouch, did u smack it?
seenyou 3
imagine if it flew away and he went full force on it :)
jaidonsafira 0
there's a skeeter my his peter flick it off.
mikemalk123 0
I'm sure he smacked it repeatedly ;-D