By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks 23 870
You deserved it 4 155

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Whole new meaning to fire crotch, ouch

Gives a whole new meaning to pissing fire. Sorry OP


I'm sorry OP, that must really suck. Hopefully they can give you some medicine to help with swelling and pain!

I'm sure this is not what OP had in mind for having a swell time...

Well once it clears up at least he won't be unsuckable anymore. (OPs name)

Gives a whole new meaning to pissing fire. Sorry OP

incoherentrmblr 21

Talk about a Cockburn...

Aw you poor guy. Hope the doctor managed to prescribe something to help with the pain.

Damn that's fucked up. At least you probably have some solid girth now hahahah.

IridianShadow 20

You shouldn't make it a habit to fall asleep outside. What happened was truly awful. But at the very least it wasn't a Brazilian walking spider.

Is there such thing as a Brazilian spider? Well shit.

"How much is a Brazilian?"

JustinJK 21

Brazilian wandering spiders are scary af

Holy shit I just googled it. We call it "armadeira", never knew it was common here. Goodbye cruel world.

MaximumBeat 16

I'm so sorry OP, and considering that fire ants are related to bees and wasps, and not ants, that must have been a pain. Also you may want to take Benadryl to keep the histamine reaction down. Feel better soon OP!

AnOriginalName 19

Well bees, ants, and wasps are all in the family Hymenoptera so they're all related to each other. It's just that some species hurt a lot more than others.

Well that certainly bites.

Whole new meaning to fire crotch, ouch