You tried…

By shart up, your puns suck - 01/06/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy
Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML
I agree, your life sucks 52 651
You deserved it 5 537

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Top comments

Most cases you can't.

She needs to get over herself. You're not a pig for clogging the toilet. Everyone does that sometimes.

Comments

Most cases you can't.

Yea, i agree. Reminds me of a joke. A wise man once said, "yes dear, you're right". And he lived happily ever after.

It reminds me of Red Dead Redemption. "I just know that there are two theories when arguing with women. And neither one works."

You guys are lucky enough to talk to women... QQ

Me? Talk to women? Hah!

If a man speaks in a forest and no one is around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Men rarely win xD sorry guys, we women tend to be very stubborn...

Sounds like she needs to take a chill pill!!! Next time you should leave the clog for her to deal with!!!

Unclogging someone's toilet when you clog it isn't being a gentleman it's just being a decent human. I agree she should chill but he kinda sounds like a douche.

Yeah what a douche for needing to take a shit that happened to be big enough to clog a toilet. Btw I'm being sarcastic.

No the shitting and clogging is understandable. I just thought the way the FML was worded sounded kinda douchey. He still didnt deserve her reaction.

I think the way he worded it was meant as sort of a joke.

You're a dumb bitch.

That was super uncalled for, 53.

I agree with MageePaigeee. It's human nature, despite how bad it is. At least he fixed the problem. Hopefully she calmed down. As for the situation, F**k her bathroom...

There was absolutely nothing "douchey" about this FML. I'm sick of hearing about females who get mad at their men for masturbating or possibly masturbating. There's nothing wrong with it, and we do it too! And she's a liar if she says her shit has never smelled foul. You deserve a much better gf, OP.

I bet you're single 45.

No I have a boyfriend and I don't care who shits or masterbates. I just don't think you're a gentleman if you unclog a toilet that you clogged.

Then why don't you get you're boyfriend to leave a nice shit in you're toilet and for when you want to go, you don't have to go plunging before you can, it is very nice to do that.

#94: So your whole point is that you're not impressed by someone cleaning up after themselves? And it took you three comments to say this? I think you should take a good look at yourself before you go calling the OP a douchebag.

She needs to get over herself. You're not a pig for clogging the toilet. Everyone does that sometimes.

hehe, "dump" her...

i am imagining that it is patrick saying this, especially so with the hehe

Then he's gotta plunge the toilet again...

You win some you lose some

Unless you're a guy then you win none, and lose all

You never win against a woman

Unless your a guy, in which case you always lose to your gf.

It's all the same to me. -motorhead

The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say!

A pig? As if she doesn't take toilet-clogging shits herself...

No she doesn't. Girls don't poop. It's scientific fact.

girls sparkle. never poop.

It is the truth. My girlfriend moved in over a week ago and to the best of my knowledge she has not pooped once! Just sparkled a time or two!

girls piss with rainbows, shit with sparkles, and their fart smells like flowers. you should now that

Actually I'm a girl and my farts smell like death.

Unrelated but... did I maı̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨k you wipe your screen?

better to be in that shitty situation than a sticky situation. yes all puns are meant so get over yourself.

Ha! I didn't even notice that.

does it look like I care what anyone's name is on this app. I don't know any of you nor do I care to know any of you. welcome to life no one gives a shit about your name on an app, by the way I'm a total moron.

54, you might as well just quit while you're ahead.

because the name relates to the fml on purpose and relates to you right now

54 - Do you have to be such a fucking douche?

Well somebody got here already angry.

I'm definitely not angry and no one on this site could make me angry. my life is great and FML is just an app I go on to so I can laugh at others mistakes. if you can't laugh at others or yourself then you have failed in life.

Clearly we've got the 'laughing at others' part down. Now it's time for you to laugh at yourself. And it's okay #89, the burden of denial is something we all possess from time to time.

You sound like you've got a pretty big chip on your shoulder coming in here expecting an argument.

#54: As I read your comment, I was preparing to rip into you for being an asshat. Ended up laughing out loud and upvoting you for calling yourself a total moron. Take what ye will from all of that.

this guy ^^ must be and internet tough guy. you are going to rip me a new one. please don't make me laugh. if my drill instructor in the service couldn't what makes you think you can. :-P Life is great and the more you hate my comments and try to fight or make me feel bad about what I say the better you make my day. if my comments cause you that much pain and misery my daily mission is complete and I will sleep great tonight no matter what you say or do. hahahahaha

Lmao. Calling other people internet tough guys.

yea that's right I did. way to point out the obvious. man they really pick the smart ones to be in the chair force.

#125: Bro, I said I upvoted you for laughing at yourself. I guess reading comprehension isn't an important skill in "the service".

I know what you said and I was responding the way I did for the simple fact that I didn't add the last part calling myself a moron. in my line of work reading comprehension is a big part of it. why would I call myself a moron in the first place. if you actually read my comments you would realize that I wouldn't do that. I see a lack of common sense in your life.

You can clearly see that you did call yourself a moron. Are you always this way? Just going around looking for a fight?

Because a gentleman drops a huge deuce in his girlfriend bathroom.

When you gotta go, you gotta go

I used to need to go at my ex's house more than I did at mine. Always was worse as it was the only bathroom and I have 3..

You're right, 9. I, being the perfect gentleman, usually just pull down my pants at the dinner table and let 'er rip right there.

#9: Where the fuck, dare I even ask, should he take a shit then, #9? Personally, I like to avoid leaving a huge shit in others' toilets by breaking it up into smaller pieces and scattering them throughout the house. Is that preferable to you?

Congrats on the nice shit first of all. That's something to be proud of. Just for a tip, make sure you try and do that before you're with your girlfriend.