Intimacy: Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with...

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 403

You deserved it 5 485

Intimacy

Empathy lives

Walk the line

Casual something

Smart kid

By my_way_1213 - 09/06/2018 20:30

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 237

You deserved it 3 685

By carless - 29/10/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 859

You deserved it 3 372

By blackitalian - 26/11/2010 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 118

You deserved it 31 730

By inthedark - 09/02/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 499

You deserved it 3 668

By Anon - 27/07/2009 07:32 - Singapore

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 712

You deserved it 4 847

TMI

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 492

By Wounded_irony - 05/12/2017 05:00

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 579

By stardad - 22/07/2019 15:02 - United States

Today, my ex purposely taught our kids to call all the Star Wars characters by Star Trek names. I’m not sure what bothers me more, the fact that she did it, or the fact that it makes me utterly insane when they say them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 355

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 02:36 - United States - Rockland

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 535

You deserved it 17 136

By smidge - 02/06/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 488

You deserved it 2 620

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 04:00

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 625

You deserved it 859

By Anonymous - 29/06/2015 21:52 - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 967

You deserved it 1 797

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 2 372

By mdg - 04/12/2012 17:16 - United States - North Windham

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 868

You deserved it 30 710

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 052

You deserved it 5 404

PMS FTW

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 147

By Heyhey - 08/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 411

You deserved it 4 739

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 395

You deserved it 312

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 273

You deserved it 3 244

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 518

You deserved it 2 403

By everfresh - 26/01/2011 10:38 - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 118

You deserved it 3 805

By mommymo - 16/09/2010 10:59 - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 105

You deserved it 4 386

By bandit99999 - 19/08/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 987

You deserved it 2 841

By Noname - 08/03/2009 13:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 213

You deserved it 2 981

Open season

By Mapmouse - 27/01/2021 11:03

Today, I drove home to Las Vegas after being in quarantine in Los Angeles for two weeks. The lights were on and the lock was busted. My apartment is completely ransacked. Yay 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 00:40 - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 49 042

By kai - 27/01/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 721

You deserved it 3 191

WORRIED

By Katy Avada_80203913 - 20/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was woken up at 11:30 am by my mother standing over my bed, screaming at me. I'm 30 years-old, married, and do not live with her. She broke into my house because I didn't answer my phone, because I'm sick and on prescription sleep meds. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 74

By me - 24/04/2014 15:32 - United States - Paris

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 203

You deserved it 5 220

By fisted - 12/06/2015 13:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 886

You deserved it 11 689

By Inga44 - 23/07/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 449

You deserved it 3 685

Especially for dad

By anonymous - 01/02/2020 20:00 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a cup. She said it was lemonade that she made with her friend. When I took a sip, she giggled and ran back to her room. It was not lemonade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 358

Creeper

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 821

You deserved it 4 171

Oh shit

By das_shizzle - 30/09/2020 23:02 - United States - Montesano

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 2 963

Loud and clear

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that my husband wants to leave me. I got the message loud and clear when his girlfriend forwarded me screenshots of all their texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 50

Don't dip your pen in company ink, etc.

By Briana Bettis - 29/09/2019 22:00

Today, after 2 years of searching, I finally have a job that I love. Now I'm probably going to lose it because I started having sex with one of my managers, and our coworkers are starting to catch on. They caught on pretty much the day I told him that we should stop having sex so we wouldn't lose our jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 3 114

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 15/12/2018 23:00 - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 330

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 23:58 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 780

You deserved it 4 028

By b3ardown23 - 07/09/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 617

You deserved it 2 818

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Top comments

malaak2 16

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:37

Lol I hope your little brother isn't too little

MissSatan 16

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:37

start hooking up with their sibling too

malaak2 16

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:37

Lol I hope your little brother isn't too little

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 28 July 2014 21:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

mallu86 9

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Tuesday 29 July 2014 20:06

So he can fuck op's brains out so she won't remember this conversation? Nice thinking.

MissSatan 16

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:37

start hooking up with their sibling too

petrolhead 12

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:44

That's what i was going to say !

slackerjoe 22

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Monday 28 July 2014 15:39

unless she doesn't have siblings, then just do her dad. see how she likes knowing details...lol sick jk

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 28 July 2014 21:51

This isn't We're the Millers...

Dozer1988 14

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:38

No. Just no. I cringed reading that. So sorry, OP. Time to explain boundaries.

BecauseIAmBatman_fml 22

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:38

That's nasty *Raven Baxter's voice*

wickedalwayswins 7

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Monday 28 July 2014 18:57

You little NASTAYYY!

dabears1011234 27

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Monday 28 July 2014 21:30

Thats nasty *cleveland brown voice*

krundale 6

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:42

Good for her!

The_4th_Doctor 13

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Wednesday 30 July 2014 0:38

..Why?

zahidnasir 22

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:42

hahaha good time pass for you

lord_meloetta 20

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Monday 28 July 2014 19:45

Don't use sarcasm, we don't understand if your being sarcastic or your just stupid

kitsy 14

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Monday 28 July 2014 21:21

Don't criticize someone else for being stupid when you can't use periods and can't tell the difference between your and you're.

1dvs_bstd 41

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:42

Well, at least you can give your brother feedback on how good/bad he's doing... Seriously tho, people should realize that there's such a thing as too much fuking information!!

fsomelife 26

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Monday 28 July 2014 12:10

As in, too much information about fucking.

brrarm 17

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Monday 28 July 2014 14:08

Or as in "information about too much fucking".

Dave_Davington 33

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Monday 28 July 2014 14:11

Or as in "fucking information a bit too much".

beerlaoisawesome 10

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:46

That's probably a whole lot more than you needed to know

ohSNAPyall 26

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Thursday 31 July 2014 21:26

Yes. And you didn't have to stick around and listen to it. Next time tell her you're not comfortable hearing that kind of stuff about your brother.

sweetest_jenn 18

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Monday 28 July 2014 11:55

It didn't occur to you to say "shut up"? Some things are meant to be private. Details of her sex life with your kid brother is one of them!

ZY1431 24

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Monday 28 July 2014 12:22

Some people just dont know the whole TMI rule nor do some know when to enforce it

Mystery_Unsolved 16

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Monday 28 July 2014 19:29

Also known as common sense. Talk about TMI.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Monday 28 July 2014 20:33

Agreed, OP should've told her to stop and if she didn't, then just walk away. Sounds like it didn't bother OP that much. If it was me I would've walked away until she said she'd talk about something else.

Axel5238 29

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Monday 28 July 2014 12:00

Yeah that's not something you'd need to know. Though I have a bigger question why are so many dating their friends younger brother or sister. It puts you in a bad spot if something happens. I'd never date a friends family, since any arguments or turmoil in general could also wreck the friendship.