Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
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Top comments
droidlover 14
Not too bad.
jajajapun 5
yup
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Comments (171)
oh_lordy_me 18
"Oh Leonard, you magnificent beast"
Pordexel 5
mmmh yeah... I'm gonna need you to come in Sunday, mkay?
challan 19
I would have pinned him under me, told him to shut the hell up, grabbed my breasts and ridden to pleasure town.
Fuji76 15
So umm Challan, I have a monotone sex voice.....are you busy Saturday nite? ;P
MagicStallion 9
63 - can't blame you for trying mate. Unlucky though.
vintaqe 28
Ain't no shame in your game!
tegraturbo2000 15
mood killer?
DocBastard 38
Know what else is a mood killer? Pointless shirtless profile pictures. Oh, and pull up your damned pants. No one wants to see your underwear.
tegraturbo2000 15
how about bottles up peoples ass
graceinsheepwear 33
The guy builds pools in Florida. Who knows if he even owns a shirt? Doesn't bother me one way or the other.
Sinistra_Blue 12
Its all fun and games to be snappy with Doc, until you have to go in for a prostate exam that is...
tj4234 35
Well to be fair, if it was because he wasn't finding it fun, it's because hardly anyone knows what they are doing during their first time. (I'm just assuming you were both virgins of course.) So just experiment and learn.
ridemyrocket 9
So what your saying is you slept with Ben Stein?
Abenti 8
Is your boyfriend Stephen Hawking?
mld4657 28
Keep calm have sex.
kurodansei 16
Appropriate profile pic is appropriate.
buttcramp 21
is he usually very monotone sounding doing even everyday tasks? lol if not, he was either trying to be funny or he was being an ass
littlekellilee 45
I was with a guy once who kept going "yeahhhhh" in the creepiest way, paired with staring at me with the creepiest look. I had to shut my eyes and think of something else. Needless to say, I didn't agree to another go. It's amazing how much sounds affect the situation.
kurodansei 16
MK loves littlekellilee. If you know who MK is that's who this post reminded me of. and I'm dying.