Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
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Top comments
droidlover 14
Not too bad.
jajajapun 5
yup
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Comments (171)
kasmol 16
I just pictured the dad from the Brady Bunch Movie.
jessica53139 10
Lol you'll laugh it that later
Royalistic 8
not hot enough
mrtonyanderson 20
Should've said "you ain't gonna shit right for a week!"
AllegroRubato 16
Bwahahaha Well, I can't say for sure cause he just might be one of those guys who like to pretend they've seen it all and that they could never be impressed by anything the other does, but maybe he's just really self-conscious??? Either way, that shit's gotta stop! Whether it should be done by positive or negative reinforcement would depend on the previous point.
reaxion 25
Reminded me of office space for some reason!
shisharka 1
That's why you should have sex BEFORE you proclaim someone to be your boyfriend.
nannie_lu 4
Now that's a porno I would actually like to see
Ellae_fml 7
sounds like he was on the phone..hmmm....
hellrath 1
I have a mate who actually talks about sex exactly like that, it's pretty awkward, lol!