Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
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Top comments
droidlover 14
Not too bad.
jajajapun 5
yup
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Comments (171)
BlueOysterCult87 13
Uh huh. Yup, I guess it wasn't too bad then?
Baltonuts 0
******* absolutely hilarious
qwertyu_ioplk 9
i would have dismounted and not spoken to him
KeinBaum 12
Not to long ago someone on an image board known for its weird humor said that it would be fun as hell just to say "yep" instead fo moaning. Maybe your bf is a regular visitor of that board.
themouse181 3
He might be Asexual.(meaning he cant enjoy sex)
AceofHearts95 3
Being asexual has nothing to do with sex. It means you don't feel attracted to other people. It's still possible to have sex, ********** etc. and enjoy it. Make sure you know what you're talking about before posting, alright?
Hairnet 14
Silent sex is indeed very awkward, especially if he just stares at you blankly through out.
Vouptoup 5
Dame it sucks to be you...
thepretender10 4
you have to expect awkwardness the first time. I may ask him to refrain from using "not too bad" in dirty talk though.
gatorgirl2669 6
some men just make weird noises and make weird sex talk... if you dont like it then tell him you dont like the sex noises... or make some crazy noises of your owm... the other thing you could do is just bust out laughing in the middle of sex or just get up and walk away.. u will definately have his attention then
Juultje 8
He was roleplaying as Big Macin'tosh?
SangCat 6
Who says "yup" during sex?.. Seriously?