Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
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Top comments
droidlover 14
Not too bad.
jajajapun 5
yup
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Comments (171)
brandoneyez1 25
Sounds like his first time ever at all
perdix 29
I'll let him in some of the perdix magic: "That's what I'm talkin' about." "Boy, howdy!" "I'll buy that for a dollar." "Humminah, Humminah, Humminah!" There's some sexy talk with a proven track record, even when said in a monotone.
zfchatroulette 24
WTF? #50, I just pictured this happening... and... uhh... Confused and disturbed.
vintaqe 28
I can't like this enough.
2tone2bone 3
ROFL oh god that's a new one. Hummina hummina hummina. That's the best oh man my kidney
bosox29 14
Perdix, you sure do got a purtty mouth, no but seriously you have an amazing way with words, that makes me almost piss myself when I read them...
jw90 18
If he's had sex before he could have been comparing you to others. Which isn't good. But you could have also been boring. Hard to tell OP. anyway sorry it was uncomfortable
JudgeComrade 17
Maybe you need to do more than lie there and wait for him to do everything.
redbandit9877 12
Those are the same three things my therapist always says, is your boyfriend a therapist by chance?
Anyb0dyTh 8
Practice practice practice! :D
buddy51 23
Still, a better love story than Twilight....
kurodansei 16
You seem unsure.
bevOH 7
Was he holding a score card and a pen OP?
chocolatefrog28 29
At least he wasn't saying something like "Happy birthday, grandma!" in the middle of the act, be happy. Sex was had.
KiddNYC1O 20
Coach Awkard.