Sex, Awkward, Sextoys and Intimacy: Toys R Us

Toys R Us

By microlovin - 28/07/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 756

You deserved it 9 261

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Same thing different taste

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 651

You deserved it 60 064

By fashionVictim - 08/03/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 662

You deserved it 12 999

By littlefinger - 11/03/2014 16:11 - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 659

You deserved it 6 993

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 083

You deserved it 15 424

Yes or No?

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 18:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 883

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 16:25 - Serbia - Beograd

I agree, your life sucks 50 789

You deserved it 4 391

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 134

You deserved it 36 889

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 905

You deserved it 631

My precious

By machismo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake from her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 478

You deserved it 45 873

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 280

Welshite 39

Sunday 28 July 2013 16:00

To be fair, if she is happy with you then there isn't any need to feel insecure.

jlaginski 10

Sunday 28 July 2013 16:02

It's not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean. Keep rockin the boat!

Comments

schalk 12

Monday 29 July 2013 21:11

you really want to restrict blood flow to your wang? just think about it OP

Olivia_the_Klutz 4

Monday 29 July 2013 21:50

You do realize that you have to get him hard to keep them on right?

sematariux 7

Tuesday 30 July 2013 0:57

It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm.

Osiris094 4

Thursday 1 August 2013 5:48

You weren't using it right then. They're meant to go around the top of the shaft and under the scrotum.

notalwaysbesta 14

Friday 2 August 2013 3:27

It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean ;)

tannara 12

Thursday 8 August 2013 6:57

I'd be laughing too

BigD3452 6

Thursday 29 May 2014 19:21

Did you remember to put it around your **** and balls?? Haha

Keywords

Health OCD Relatable Mental health Awkward Work Friends Vacation Boredom Annoying Music Transportation AITA Love Jewelry Cars Embarrassing Family Babysitter Kids Parents Miscellaneous Death Thief Money Food Birthday Gross Farts Underwear

The Top

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 803

You deserved it 624

Today, my family keeps pestering me about whether I've contacted my father yet. My father, the one who treated me and my family like crap throughout my upbringing and cheated on my mom a few years ago. I don't know why they think I'd ever want to see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 70

The Top

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend because he “wasn’t ready for a serious relationship” after being in a serious relationship with me for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 106

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 640

You deserved it 1 993

Today, my mother-in-law invited all my wife’s friends and family, and my family, to her baby shower, well over a 50-60 people. Two people came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 114

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 269

You deserved it 335

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 023

You deserved it 3 480

Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 146