Miscellaneous: Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 99

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 1 312

17/10/2009 04:27

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 578

You deserved it 1 976

You tried

Hiding from the drama

You're a natural

Catwalk

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was trying to walk in heels. My mom then started cracking up, saying I looked like a baby giraffe learning to walk just after coming out of the womb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 189

Genetic test

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 02:00

Today, it's not fair: I’ve seen my twin brother drink 2 full bottles of whiskey without getting more than tipsy, then go to work the next day completely fine on only 2 hours sleep, meanwhile I get completely trashed if I have more than 3 normal pints and take days to recover from the hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 272

30/01/2010 00:08

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 035

You deserved it 7 075

15/05/2012 19:02

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 8 560

10/01/2011 19:06

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 567

You deserved it 39 882

23/08/2013 07:40

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 791

You deserved it 10 499

22/08/2011 03:44

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 449

You deserved it 36 773

03/03/2016 13:17

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 323

You deserved it 1 306

Paperboy on Commodore 64

By Xero_316 - 05/11/2009 21:33

Today, I was doing my paper route. I throw the papers onto people's driveways while sitting on the back of my dad's truck. To be funny my dad decided to suddenly speed up, causing me to fall off the back of the truck, face first onto the road. He didn't realize I fell off and kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 577

You deserved it 4 281

30/10/2012 19:34

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 601

You deserved it 2 612

02/05/2011 14:30

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 46 013

22/02/2009 01:19

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 377

You deserved it 76 335

Sorry, but…

By Loveless - 29/10/2020 20:08

Today, my crush said that I was exceptionally ordinary. To my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 131

16/10/2009 17:27

Today, the power went out at work. As everyone left the building to go home, the owner came in to inform me that, since the phones were on a battery back up, I would be staying to man them. The phones rang 2 times in the 4 hours I sat in the dark by myself. Both times were telemarketers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 171

You deserved it 2 284

03/04/2011 13:32

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 681

You deserved it 3 713

20/06/2016 20:34

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America 5 months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for 5 months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 281

You deserved it 1 878

05/03/2011 06:55

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 710

You deserved it 13 773

01/06/2011 09:20

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fund raisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 237

You deserved it 5 376

14/08/2011 02:41

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 870

You deserved it 54 399

Invest in ear plugs

By Dana O'Neil - 24/08/2020 15:03

Today, and every night all summer, I can hear the kids outside playing when I go to bed. They’re so loud, it makes it hard to sleep. The kids have a later bedtime than I do, and I’m 33. I'm feeling like a broken down old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 246

04/02/2018 15:00

Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 825

You deserved it 267

24/01/2012 11:47

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 701

You deserved it 2 949

All in a day's work!

By Joshtodon - 21/08/2018 22:00

Today, I was unloading tile boxes out of my pickup truck into this lady's garage. As I grabbed the last 50-pound box, a passing bird shat on my forehead. Green ooze ran down my whole face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 745

You deserved it 159

The best of times, the worst of times

By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 02/09/2020 20:01

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 117

Too late

By Boyufd - 15/10/2019 02:00

Today, I bought a replacement ID after weeks looking for my old one and not finding it. When I got home, my brother said he'd found my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 191

10/06/2009 20:05

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 922

You deserved it 43 357

11/07/2009 23:11

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 554

You deserved it 2 716

28/02/2009 19:07

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 649

You deserved it 802 838

29/04/2009 04:13

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 305

You deserved it 11 796

14/08/2009 17:01

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 260

You deserved it 6 429

31/10/2008 07:11

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 167

You deserved it 4 118

15/09/2013 04:02

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 410

You deserved it 6 545

26/08/2010 13:27

Today, I was walking with the dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling another friend came by, and we went talking for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone in the water instead of his stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 578

You deserved it 41 876

15/09/2011 07:42

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 853

You deserved it 9 318

Higher standards

By Anonymous - 10/07/2020 02:02

Today, my mom fought with me again for missing an "important" 4th of July family barbecue. I was working until the morning, finishing grad school applications. There are always family events, and also apparently my brother missing the same barbecue to party with friends is perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 116

09/10/2012 01:51

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 135

You deserved it 32 587

12/07/2012 10:31

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 068

You deserved it 4 680

28/09/2009 00:10

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 772

You deserved it 20 523

27/04/2016 12:19

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 830

You deserved it 2 730

07/03/2010 19:20

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 839

You deserved it 2 733

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:43

ahhh so that's how you fix things, you just paint over them. I'll be right back, i've got to go paint my car. I'll make sure to add some cool racing stripes to make it go even faster than before.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:25

He rents the place, he doesn't own it so he doesn't need to do any repairs or whatever!

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:12

That really sucks. You sound like you have a terrible land lady. Is there a way to report her?

Snowlight_fml 7

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:15

Landladys are supposed to be smart...

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:20

she was only trying to help out , you should have just done it yourself ! whiney ungrateful little bitch .

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:25

He rents the place, he doesn't own it so he doesn't need to do any repairs or whatever!

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Sunday 18 October 2009 3:13

Her property, her responsibility.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:24

Sucks bro

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:43

ahhh so that's how you fix things, you just paint over them. I'll be right back, i've got to go paint my car. I'll make sure to add some cool racing stripes to make it go even faster than before.

RosalinaHarmonie 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 1:44

If I paint my life blue, will that fix things? :P

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Saturday 17 October 2009 12:53

Go ask her if you can fix her face, and before she replies start painting away. Hey, you are only following by example.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 16:24

She sounds like my landlord, and I rent in Missouri too... hmmm. If we do have the same landlord, I'm very sorry for you because she's definitely a slum lord!

Lehk 9

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Saturday 17 October 2009 18:27

stop paying rent till it's fixed. keep the money set aside so you can pay it as soon as it is fixed though.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 18:40

You didn't happen to take any photos of the damage before she painted over it did you? Either way if it's still leaking complain again and if she still doesn't fix things contact your housing or health department to come and inspect the premises. There might be even more problems you can't see due to the steady leak you have.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 23:11

wtf, why does it smell like paint thinner....?