Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
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Top comments
xMeganMayhem 6
Way to go, douche bag.
Jk530 1
I agree with your son.
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Comments (176)
omggtfomi 1
Your kid has a good sense of humor you should be proud
Zalandia 0
Am I the only one who finds this adorable? And for people saying bad parenting, yes because all parents are perfect all the time -_-
drc23 1
That's so funny!
Stessin_Trust 4
Why You Douche Bag.!
heartsxoxo 1
could have been worse. he could have said it and told you to never use such language. there are worse words.
bigfootep 4
Karma is bitch huh
EnterNameHere001 5
Hes 8 he probably already knew the word douche bag unless he's home schooled, has no Internet connection, and is forced to were ear plugs in public he probably already knew that doesn't stop the fact that you suck at parenting and need to chill the **** down on the road
jordanlite 16
So today he learned to do as you say, not as you do. At least he's smart enough to see through your b.s.
mrlopez 13
OP started it first, so why do I see people commenting about giving her child a tight slap? The level of ignorance nowadays...
badactor009 0
Nice going. Since you cant be a positive example or properly parent your child, you may decide to try alternative methods. Try this; Beat that kid within an inch of his life. Don't underestimate the value of genuine fear and violence on a child. Or, just forget the whole thing and plan on visiting him in prison because you can't be bothered to raise him right. Responsibility is not for everyone. You can start blaming everyone else for your failure right now.
stoptrying 9
I sure hope you're trolling.
omggtfomi 1
Sure because a "great" parent "never" ***** up dude stfu nobodies perfect