Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
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Top comments
xMeganMayhem 6
Way to go, douche bag.
Jk530 1
I agree with your son.
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Comments (176)
Mirjam_fml 11
Oh well, things happen, right..? Kids hear 'bad words' regardless of their parents using hem in their presence. A few weeks ago I was at the mall with my 2 year old. Waiting in line to pay for the parking, the 'lady' in front of us let out some very loud and heartfelt curses (including several very serious deseases). You can imagine what my son was practising saying the whole ride home....
megamandude455 10
Best response ever!!! ?
panda_heroo 0
When I was six years old,my dad would always get into fights with other people while driving. Hearing every single cuss word there is from his mouth at such a young age...this isn't anything new to me.
eatmyshortssss1 8
Saw it on reddit too. Hmm
iBagel 4
I don't think you should have said that, but if that were my kid I would have whooped his ass.
eandrews117 0
Lol, nice one
ILuvMyRooBoo 0
Omg thats funny! But *horrible*
smashliee 0
that's awesome!
jdog2736 1
no that was something you would have to laugh to.
Kiirst_mt1994 26
You're screwed when he starts calling his mum this xD