Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
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Top comments
xMeganMayhem 6
Way to go, douche bag.
Jk530 1
I agree with your son.
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Comments (176)
Stylin_Since_97 10
Like father like son
hobojo69 23
Dude don't sweet it, it's better to be ahead then behind that's how I plan on raising my kids
melantysaurus 3
And here I was feeling bad because my 15 month old is trying to say shii shii shii .
murphy22 6
You do realize it's gonna be your fault when the poor boy gets in trouble at school or with his friends parents for saying the word YOU taught him, right? You totally deserve this.
ashleymwall 6
haha, you totally deserved that.
TipsyHobo 7
Lmao, I understand accidents happen... but your son FTW! Doucshe bag ;)
Migster 0
Oh the things we say by "accident". I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned here.
j_cat187 20
Tell him douché is a French word that means to bathe.
shadevil75 6
That's what happens when you don't smack your kid in the mouth for cussing or saying rude words. My children knew by two years old what words they aren't allowed to say.
bbutterflyy 2
You smaked your kids in the mouth...