Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
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Top comments
xMeganMayhem 6
Way to go, douche bag.
Jk530 1
I agree with your son.
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Comments (176)
Ray_of_midnight 23
From his smug answer, it sounds like he's been talking like that for a while already.
QWERTYCommander 5
YDI for telling him not to say what only amounts to a word that's like every other ******* word ever.
stacianichole 2
What does that even mean? Douche bag /=/ every other ******* word. I could call you a lemon square. Very different than if I called you a douche bag.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Ain't no muthafucka gon call me a lemon squerr!! It's the intention that matters, really. Words are just sounds we produce with our mouths and not inherently good or bad. It's the meaning that makes the word, not the other way around.
crownlogic 25
Lemon square sounds pretty aggressive to me...
ceddyz17 10
Like father like son
Zoth 0
Yes.
doogy15 11
Lol for a 8 year old he's pretty sharp. Might be bad now but he'll grow up pretty damn head of it all.
erockinthesuburb 17
Kids are like parrots, they will repeat anything you say - regardless of if they know what it means or not.
alycion 39
And just like parrots then will only repeat what you don't want them to
ikickgingers 15
Your kid is bamf.
Joshoa123 16
Defiantly one of the coolest kids I've ever seen.
Calyx_fml 22
Profanity in front of a child is not a bad thing. Its just a word. The bad thing is your driving. You neither own the road or have any right to the space in front of you. Therefore, you can not be "cut off". Next time simply use the brake. That's what its there for. There is no need to express anything to the the other driver. Your anger endangers your child more than your profanity.
hookumsnivy 6
#24: While you don't own the road or the space right in front of you, it is common courtesy to not jump into the lane right in front of someone causing them to hit their breaks. If you do something like that, you are putting people in danger (including yourself). Sadly, common courtesy is becoming less and less common as more people seem to care only about themselves.
Wheredidgrungego 12
The "Do as I say, not as I do" rule is stupid and just a cheap shot that parents use. It doesn't even fit here anyways.
Bebbo_fml 21
Your child is a quick learner.