Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken...

By Danielle - 6/6/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

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Miscellaneous

Boom, headshot

My body, my choice

Lockdown is driving us down

By Alan - 2/9/2015 20:13 - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

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By GatorBoi - 4/7/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

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14386

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By breathexali - 24/7/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By Marty - 10/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took 3 hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

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By brelni - 28/11/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

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By Clueless - 24/5/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

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By SpiderFather - 2/7/2013 08:01 - France

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer... or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

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By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - 26/4/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

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By time to put you down, gran - 1/12/2012 22:53 - United States

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

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By LightsOut - 21/5/2013 22:47 - United States - Melbourne

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

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By justin_99 - 3/11/2009 01:15 - Canada

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

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By maxedoutidiot - 13/12/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

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By stranded - 19/5/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

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By pwndbykidz - 9/8/2009 23:54 - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

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By B_McG - 25/11/2009 18:31 - Canada

Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

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By SendHelpAndBleach - 15/6/2018 05:00

Today, I decided to surprise my parents who I haven’t seen in a while. They weren’t home, but I still have a key so I let myself in. When I went to my old room to put down my bags, I was greeted by a sex swing. FML

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By killme - 29/2/2016 07:00 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

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By the hated - 9/7/2013 02:02 - United States - Absecon

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

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By MentalHealthWorker - 17/9/2020 02:05

True hero

Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML

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By Awkward - 22/10/2014 00:36 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

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By thecarisfine - 14/3/2015 04:27 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2012 02:47 - United States - Newark

Today, after dieting, rigorous exercising and a major lifestyle change, I have finally reached my fitness goal. My parents were more excited about my 17-year-old brother getting to 3rd base with his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2014 18:43 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

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By Sandra - 18/2/2009 14:15 - Ireland

Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

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By feelsterrible - 9/8/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

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By Anon E. Mouse - 15/9/2015 11:47 - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

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27867

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By Homeless - 14/7/2009 02:16 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

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By DoggyBlues - 29/11/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

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By limegreengiraffe - 1/11/2014 14:06 - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

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By jamerz - 26/5/2019 04:00

Today, someone informed me that my new boyfriend's tattoo is really an old Nazi symbol and not just a poorly-drawn skull. Now I'm trying to figure out how to ask him whether he's a neo-Nazi or not. Why am I so nervous? I'm Jewish, he just hasn't heard my last name yet. FML

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By eggman 583 - 13/9/2016 21:12 - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

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By tired waitress - 25/4/2016 23:05 - United States

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

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By TitMunch - 23/10/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

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By cupcake_butt - 17/10/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

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By prisym - 30/8/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

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By avocadopurse - 9/7/2018 19:00

Today, I told my grandmother I was planning a trip to take my newborn son to meet his great-great-grandfather before it was too late. She had a guilty expression on her face. My great-grandfather died 4 months ago and my family forgot to tell me. FML

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By Lax - 12/1/2009 09:37 - France

Today, my 5 year old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked "mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?". FML

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Top comments

By MrVictor_fml | 0

#2633803 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:48

a lot more should be taking place instead of a fml. it's not fuck YOUR life, it's holy shit we found the robber! call the cops woman.

By Jake_2013 | 0

#2633810 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:48

Shit happens, OP. but he was wearing a girls shirt??

COMMENTS

By simranlove | 3

#2633800 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:47

that sucks

ZombieeeeUnicorn | 1

#2633864 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:54

is the robber gay? :P

imnotonaboat | 0

#2633872 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:55

Look out OP I think he robbed you!

ZombieeeeUnicorn | 1

#2633881 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:56

wait never mind :)

EvilPotato | 14

#2633992 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:14

all I'm saying is if I robbed someones house I wouldn't go see him wearing something I stole.

Trupe | 3

#2634026 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:18

Well I mean unless it was a girls shirt, you can really accuse him. I'm sure that wasn't the only shirt like that ever made....

rallets | 22

#2634031 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:19

#25 is Capt. Obvious

Trupe | 3

#2634035 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:19

Can't*

Hotlanta | 5

#2634056 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:23

it's captain not can't.... some people now a days...

JohannMedina | 0

#2634102 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:32

Or he probably bought the same exact shirt you had. Especially if it's one of those really common shirts that everyone wears. You can't assume the worst of people, OP.

agrlwithbrains00 | 0

#2634113 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:34

He's wearing a girl's shirt?

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2634173 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:43

And someones ass needs to be beaten !!!

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2634334 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:12

83 posts yet another comment that gets voted down...I moderated this one:)

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2634360 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:17

63- Fail.

By wallstreet_fml | 2

#2633801 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:47

wow
dumb

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2634049 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:22

I would've smacked him upside the head (whatever that means) with a toilet seat cover.

By MrVictor_fml | 0

#2633803 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:48

a lot more should be taking place instead of a fml. it's not fuck YOUR life, it's holy shit we found the robber! call the cops woman.

exethan | 0

#2634078 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:26

well said

MrSassypants | 32

#2634132 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:36

HSWFTRCTCW? FML is am acronym and now is holy shit we found the robber! call the cops women is now one too. Also I'm not sure but I think I got acronym mixed up with another word :/