Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken...

By Danielle - 6/6/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

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55633

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Miscellaneous

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Does it taste good?

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

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51958

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By swimmonster81 - 25/12/2015 21:22

Today, my mother told me how she managed to afford all of the expensive Christmas presents we got. She took out extra money when applying for my student loans. FML

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22686

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I wanted to buy a Philly cheesesteak from my campus grill, but I was running late so I ordered a grilled cheese as it would be simpler to prep. I then waited 20 minutes and watched as the cooks made 4 cheesesteaks for other orders before even starting my grilled cheese. I was late. FML

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7144

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By Sarah - 9/4/2015 20:24 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31888

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By righthook - 8/4/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

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32657

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By AccidentalFlasher - 8/1/2016 02:08 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21369

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By GuitarChick42 - 4/4/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

319826

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By Potted - 16/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Denton

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26823

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2020 21:02

Fashion Week, Bitch

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1534

You deserved it

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By Ohkourt - 20/4/2020 05:00

Mommy dearest

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

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By rawr - 20/4/2011 14:15

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14362

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By ASMR - 26/5/2019 15:00

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1869

You deserved it

110

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By ThatsNotRight - 26/1/2009 02:51 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Not-so-good-gymnast - 27/9/2009 08:35 - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11707

You deserved it

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By bubblezzz123 - 4/9/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

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By thatsnotmyname - 3/7/2014 03:12 - United States - Calhoun City

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2012 19:25 - United States - Nixa

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

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By j3r3zana16 - 31/10/2011 08:30 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8349

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2016 20:21 - United States - Slidell

Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21034

You deserved it

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By tiptoesjohnson - 19/1/2012 23:26

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

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8433

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By Wouldntitbeniceif - 1/5/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

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40735

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By S. Tucker - 7/6/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

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33694

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By GlowInTheDark - 9/12/2011 07:41 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34537

You deserved it

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:44 - Switzerland

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38887

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 04:48 - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

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By marmarr - 15/5/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said "turn around" it was her. FML

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By workaholic - 17/11/2010 07:34

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

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By jessinono - 17/5/2013 16:16 - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45514

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2010 15:38 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75923

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By goodbye sweet internet - 6/7/2013 18:23 - Greece - Athens

Today, after playing numerous games of poker against my friend, and him telling me that I'm the best poker player he's ever met, I went out and played for real money. I got totally destroyed, lost all of my money, and was laughed out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25320

You deserved it

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By annabellatrix - 14/9/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30419

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2011 19:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38544

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2015 12:43 - United Kingdom - Bexley

Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26491

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2018 15:00

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5198

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By pandaface - 18/2/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27564

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By eebie jeebies - 30/5/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12388

You deserved it

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By fatbabysyndrome - 18/12/2012 17:33 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41632

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 06:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24681

You deserved it

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By YipYop - 20/1/2016 04:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

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Top comments

By MrVictor_fml | 0

#2633803 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:48

a lot more should be taking place instead of a fml. it's not fuck YOUR life, it's holy shit we found the robber! call the cops woman.

By Jake_2013 | 0

#2633810 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:48

Shit happens, OP. but he was wearing a girls shirt??

Comments

By simranlove | 3

#2633800 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:47

that sucks

ZombieeeeUnicorn | 1

#2633864 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:54

is the robber gay? :P

imnotonaboat | 0

#2633872 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:55

Look out OP I think he robbed you!

ZombieeeeUnicorn | 1

#2633881 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:56

wait never mind :)

EvilPotato | 14

#2633992 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:14

all I'm saying is if I robbed someones house I wouldn't go see him wearing something I stole.

Trupe | 3

#2634026 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:18

Well I mean unless it was a girls shirt, you can really accuse him. I'm sure that wasn't the only shirt like that ever made....

rallets | 22

#2634031 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:19

#25 is Capt. Obvious

Trupe | 3

#2634035 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:19

Can't*

Hotlanta | 5

#2634056 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:23

it's captain not can't.... some people now a days...

JohannMedina | 0

#2634102 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:32

Or he probably bought the same exact shirt you had. Especially if it's one of those really common shirts that everyone wears. You can't assume the worst of people, OP.

agrlwithbrains00 | 0

#2634113 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:34

He's wearing a girl's shirt?

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2634173 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:43

And someones ass needs to be beaten !!!

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2634334 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:12

83 posts yet another comment that gets voted down...I moderated this one:)

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2634360 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:17

63- Fail.

By wallstreet_fml | 2

#2633801 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:47

wow
dumb

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2634049 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:22

I would've smacked him upside the head (whatever that means) with a toilet seat cover.

By MrVictor_fml | 0

#2633803 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:48

a lot more should be taking place instead of a fml. it's not fuck YOUR life, it's holy shit we found the robber! call the cops woman.

exethan | 0

#2634078 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:26

well said

MrSassypants | 32

#2634132 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:36

HSWFTRCTCW? FML is am acronym and now is holy shit we found the robber! call the cops women is now one too. Also I'm not sure but I think I got acronym mixed up with another word :/