Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed... - FML

By anonymous - 15/6/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Toxic parents

Great speech, thanks!

By too young for this - 12/4/2013 05:11 - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68120

You deserved it

5841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymity - 28/3/2009 03:15 - Canada

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54627

You deserved it

5567

Tweet

Share

By rawr - 30/10/2019 18:00

Losing my mind

Today, I managed to lose a 3XL fleece jacket in my house, which had my wallet and car keys in it. I had the pleasure of explaining this to my boss when I had to call in, after everyone I called did not respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1323

You deserved it

324

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 04:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

14161

You deserved it

39158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 06:01

Cool kid

Today, I found out why everyone stares at my car when I turn a corner. My power steering squeals, and it sounds like a screaming child. I don't have enough money to fix it right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1451

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By singleagain - 15/5/2012 01:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23919

You deserved it

42376

Tweet

Share

By notwasted39 - 13/7/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54810

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By apple - 16/7/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36534

You deserved it

6240

Tweet

Share

By Leroy - 5/10/2019 02:01 - Australia

Insanity

Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1926

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2013 23:12 - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55728

You deserved it

4932

Tweet

Share

By AFGirlfriend - 28/3/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46964

You deserved it

6912

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 2/9/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52501

You deserved it

4791

Tweet

Share

By DarkPain - 22/1/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20239

You deserved it

2433

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/1/2012 06:36 - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23752

You deserved it

6169

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2010 23:19 - Canada

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30431

You deserved it

4837

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/8/2012 23:31 - United States - Annandale

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26542

You deserved it

17636

Tweet

Share

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/7/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37089

You deserved it

10667

Tweet

Share

By me - 22/6/2012 07:28 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28046

You deserved it

3723

Tweet

Share

By Dammit - 7/7/2012 04:45 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70405

You deserved it

5848

Tweet

Share

By fatface - 13/4/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58025

You deserved it

3750

Tweet

Share

By Rejected - 16/7/2011 13:28 - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45134

You deserved it

4742

Tweet

Share

By I'veRunOuttaPatience - 31/8/2018 03:30

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2861

You deserved it

193

Tweet

Share

By Seanzy - 30/3/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64849

You deserved it

6827

Tweet

Share

By samrodpuertorico - 13/2/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39198

You deserved it

3008

Tweet

Share

By aru9 - 12/9/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22186

You deserved it

36897

Tweet

Share

By shortiem - 6/3/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23619

You deserved it

4792

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/2/2013 07:14 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27359

You deserved it

16042

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42635

You deserved it

4850

Tweet

Share

By Finn - 5/7/2016 06:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12351

You deserved it

936

Tweet

Share

By toobad - 2/6/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58825

You deserved it

6692

Tweet

Share

By Lara - 8/1/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19317

You deserved it

8293

Tweet

Share

By sanoria51 - 26/4/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46493

You deserved it

8741

Tweet

Share

By Where is the faith in Humanity - 7/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44263

You deserved it

8790

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56894

You deserved it

3518

Tweet

Share

By radioinvader - 28/10/2012 12:29 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25436

You deserved it

3743

Tweet

Share

By HtotheFtotheS - 3/4/2015 19:05 - United Kingdom - Wisbech

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28039

You deserved it

3790

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 14/7/2015 17:28 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25054

You deserved it

2615

Tweet

Share

By Dan - 20/10/2018 15:30

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1541

You deserved it

2228

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24424

You deserved it

3141

Tweet

Share

By panther of the desert - 2/5/2012 21:58 - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35997

You deserved it

2162

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7812260 - Saturday 15 June 2019 4:05

I'm not even sure what this means but I found it hilarious!

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7812258 - Saturday 15 June 2019 3:26

...good?

Or maybe bad?

Or meaningless. Going with that one.

COMMENTS

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7812258 - Saturday 15 June 2019 3:26

...good?

Or maybe bad?

Or meaningless. Going with that one.

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7812260 - Saturday 15 June 2019 4:05

I'm not even sure what this means but I found it hilarious!

By abfab5300 | 13

#7812300 - Saturday 15 June 2019 9:23

I sincerely hope that wasn’t meant as an anti-Semitic or anti-Arab remark. If so, please stay proud, bigotry never wins.

By Jill Marie Peters | 11

#7812976 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 2:05

I love big noses! My man of 22 years has a large schnoz and it was what attracted me to him in the first place!

By BloodyButUnbowed | 25

#7813567 - Wednesday 19 June 2019 22:25

If that was a random act of weirdness, it's actually pretty funny. On the other hand, if you happen to have a large nose and this was a crack about your appearance ... yeah, that's mean, and F your L.