Intimacy: Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend,...

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 4 547

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 5 219

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 307

You deserved it 1 594

Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 085

You deserved it 9 617

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 960

You deserved it 9 117

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 156

You deserved it 3 423

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 105

You deserved it 35 795

No gods no masters

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 09:00 - United States - North Royalton

Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 124

By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 10 405

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 398

You deserved it 6 856

Pick your moments, dude!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 333

Storvolleng 28

Tuesday 20 January 2015 12:00

do the next best thing and shout "oh god!" he would be so pissed if you said his fathers name!

Excelz 10

Tuesday 20 January 2015 12:01

Jesus should already be inside you anyway.

Comments

FranckGonzalz 16

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:03

At least he is a "man of God".

Econforthwin 15

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:08

Probably one one of the best OP screen names you'll ever see.

bloodwraith96 16

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:10

Well there are worse things he could be, at least you know you won't run out of wine

Sheepalicious 20

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:13

Then you should get him to call you mary Magdalene.

sstahpp 33

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:18

Hallelujah!

sstahpp 33

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:20

Hallelujah!!

Livin_Like_Larry 29

Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:41

Unless his actual name is Jesus, that would be a little wierd

laden_swallow09 34

Tuesday 20 January 2015 14:19

Hence the FML.

shadow_heart_13 11

Tuesday 20 January 2015 15:00

No your spelling mistake looks weird.

cccook1547 14

Tuesday 20 January 2015 19:23

You're*

dgameseeker 12

Tuesday 20 January 2015 23:43

It was actually the correct form of your*

BlondePsycho 43

Tuesday 20 January 2015 14:21

I dont understand, he wants to be nailed to a cross and have everything he says misinterpreted?

Undecidedlime 6

Tuesday 20 January 2015 19:46

That comment. I like that shit.

Scarylizard1798 23

Tuesday 20 January 2015 14:31

And that's the last time you tie him to a cross and put a fake beard on him during sex

DaeccaD 5

Tuesday 20 January 2015 15:05

so. you could say he ended up nailing his hand.

Keywords

Awkward Love Work Relatable Students Racism Pregnancy Health Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Boredom Animals Cats Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Weird Miscellaneous Job interview Social Media Jealousy

The Top

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 222

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 814

You deserved it 2 837

The Top

Today, I’ve had to spend $300 out of my savings account for my doctor's appointment to get another 90-day supply. Health insurance is way too expensive, as I'm a student and work part time, and haven’t had luck in finding a job. How am I supposed to save for a car in the meantime? FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 145

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 371

You deserved it 25 699

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 438

Today, I had a night shift as a front desk clerk in a nice hotel. Even with 2 years experience, I truly wasn't ready for what was about to happen. From a burned hand by boiling water to unpaid rooms via a guest identification scandal at 3 a.m., everything that could go wrong did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 72

Today, I was wrapping up a 30+ hour commission when a software bug caused my main layer to delete itself. There doesn't appear to be any way I can restore it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 468

You deserved it 335

Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 8 423

Same thing different taste

Like a virgin

No gods no masters

Pick your moments, dude!

Top comments

Comments