Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend got drunk and hit her head at a New Year's party. I took her to the emergency room just in case as she was bleeding, but she protested, yelled at the nurse, and got kicked out. Now she’s arguing with me about whether or not a head injury warrants an emergency room visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML
Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML
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Top comments
crazylady654 0
lol, that sux. dump her :)
infuzi0n 0
hey! today is MY birthday! why does your girlfriend always have to make it about her?!?
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Comments (159)
PhilipEden 0
women....
awooga1995 0
Okay... to everyone who is blaiming the girl, stop. She was being rash and selfish, but her feelings were obviously hurt. After all, you didn't really need to keep calling and texting her about it, unless the doctors said you were going to die. So next time, call her, text her, call her again, and then leave it at that.
pogostick_fml 2
That doesn't excuse her behaviour. She may have had some hurt feelings, but he may have been seriously physically hurt. Only an immature selfish bitch thinks a birthday dinner is more important than getting her bf's head checked out after hitting it. I really hope he gets rid of her.
lostfaithinpppl 19
awooga1995, you can't be serious. What are you 14? Oh wait! Yes, you are :D Grow up first and then comment on love related matters.
AGGoddess 2
Or see who kills the other first. I think the boy would be reunited with his dear grandma.
sarcdude 3
well the calling and texting would be him trying to let her know what was going on...
awooga1995 0
Just so you know, he called her. She didn't call him. But I understand where you are coming from.
FoundManyLemons 0
DTMFA.
Cristaderzi 0
Women were were given to men by God Remind her of that verse and then she'll have too shut it! She needs to know her place!!
psychoxxxinvader 3
Really? Seriously. And I had thought humanity had evolved... But seriously... She's a bitch, she's the selfish one, OP.
Jebbaz 0
wow what a bitch. I'd consider leaving her for someone a little less selfish.
ceedelina 2
Ouch. the girlfriend part is double ouch. You've got my pity.
movies12 0
LOL... Today's my mom birthday to.
KarmaLanding 0
I know, you can refer this bitch to the douchebag who turned his girlfriend's immediate loss of her grandfather into an hour-long sobfest about his six-years-dead grandmother, and they can go be narcissistic twats together and live happily ever after.
eggbrtshootsfire 0
If you haven't dumped her yet, I can give you the results of your head trauma test right now