Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
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Top comments
mikeydakid59 0
FEED THE SHARK!
gregoriit 4
i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(
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Comments (324)
sourgirl101 29
New game of getting a little skully? Your boyfriend seems funny!(: Personally, I get chills thinking about the Jaw theme music. It is scary to me.
frankq555 3
So did u suck it and eat the **** like a good girl
xoamandareneexo 2
Hahaha
Ultimate_Batman 28
wtf is wrong with you?
JetRyan 0
this is hilarious. haha :)
kei1108 13
XD hahahaha that's disgusting!!!! ahahahaa
iloveboyswittats 10
Why is that disgusting? Sex needs to be fun. My boyfriend does stuff like that and I laugh than give him what he wants. Get over it OP
malters 9
you know you like it
monnanon 14
If it was already a sexual situation then ok it may have been funny but I would be pretty pissed if i was sitting around watching tv and my bf decided to waggle his bits in my face. Theres so many better ways to start off sex.
Keirakun 0
Thats a keeper! Haha xD
muchagente 5
report the ******* rapist to the police!
iloveboyswittats 10
Where exactly does it say rape in the FML? did we read the same thing?
jjusn 0
Rapist? You my friend are douche bag of the year.
Dazed95 0
win^
muchagente 5
penetration without consent is rape and nothing else
Niaa_fml 0
Except he didn't penetrate her.
veritoswty6 14
just no way.. rape? can you be more serious??!
amyleebenz 2
...how is that rape? you, my friend, are a moron.
saladgirl123 0
lmaoo
F14Shado 0
should've blown him.
meowmeowwkitty 0
fa shoooo I would of if it was my bfs dick lmao ;) def not a Fml
Masvita 0
Holy shit that is funny!
jagd 0
better save the sea men that are trapped in there by sucking them out. if you know what I mean
michiiGii 1
Yeah...dump him. ...like, yesterday.
1eyedmonster 0
bitch just because you don't know how to take a joke and/or suck dick don't mean she gotta end her relationship
5t3ff1k4h 47
1. Some people don't see those types of "jokes" as appropriate. Everyone's sense of humour is different. So, you can't criticize her for not thinking a dick-slap in the face is funny. 2. Not every girl likes to/wants to suck dick. No girl "has" to. They choose to. They should not be forced. How would you like it if you were against eating a girl out, but she forced you to anyhow? Yeah, I didn't think you'd like that situation.
krazy_glu3 0
I really don't see why she should dump him over something like that. I would just laugh!!! gawd knows how much crap she's done to him that he didn't like.. seems like OP has a joker as her bf.. she should accept it and laugh. nobody was harmed so what's the problem here?
daaron 3
no that's stupid girls are so difficult when it comes to guys need WTF were human we have more stress then u guys so we want a ******** once a while what's wrong with that you ain't giving anything else your holding back buts that u guys my gf omg yes thank you