Miscellaneous: Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom.... - FML

By wowdadreally - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31638

You deserved it

6439

Tweet

Share

Understandable

There's no helping some people

On the ball

By lovinglife - United Kingdom

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30488

You deserved it

6324

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35747

You deserved it

4368

Tweet

Share

By TiredMom - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29882

You deserved it

10045

Tweet

Share

By Bill - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28527

You deserved it

2775

Tweet

Share

By DanteWest1000 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28869

You deserved it

7584

Tweet

Share

By Anna - United States - New York

Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51232

You deserved it

3204

Tweet

Share

By Tim - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79759

You deserved it

5991

Tweet

Share

By college student - United States - College Park

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

I agree, your life sucks

3389

You deserved it

1361

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39181

You deserved it

3287

Tweet

Share

By frankie034 - Australia

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52573

You deserved it

9109

Tweet

Share

By nobffs - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27395

You deserved it

2948

Tweet

Share

By James

Today, while standing in line to get my driver's license renewed, I hiccuped and burped at the same time. I was so flustered that I ended up telling an entire room full of people that I had the 'herps'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4062

You deserved it

751

Tweet

Share

By surfergal91 - United States

No Ragrets

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45605

You deserved it

4130

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States

Don't blame me

Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 05:01

Baby you can drive my car

Today, as usual, I work nights and sleep during the day. I found out that my brother uses my car and never puts gas on it when he called me for the first time to actually ask me if he could borrow my car, and also to lend him $20 to put gas in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

783

You deserved it

86

Tweet

Share

By __shirtless__

Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10487

You deserved it

722

Tweet

Share

By fugachumi - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26756

You deserved it

3496

Tweet

Share

By get tf over it! - 30/6/2020 20:02

Cartoon villain

Today, I had a Skype interview for a wonderful new job. I was calm, cool and ready to land it. But just like in a bad movie, the interviewer ended up being the creepy guy I turned down repeatedly in high school and in our 20s. He smirked and told me I could continue, but it would be pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

642

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54207

You deserved it

4495

Tweet

Share

By itsEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37000

You deserved it

2623

Tweet

Share

By EnemyofKarma - Canada

Today, I marched into my workplace yelling "take this job and shove it", under the impression I would be on a flight in a few days out of here. However, the airline has informed me I cannot fly until April because cargo is too cold for my dog this time of year. Jobless, four weeks to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7253

You deserved it

37274

Tweet

Share

By ToysforHire

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2420

You deserved it

7459

Tweet

Share

By Lindy - 10/2/2021 03:58 - United Kingdom

Morning surprise

Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

By :(( - United States - Montevideo

Hip cats

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11015

You deserved it

50851

Tweet

Share

By nickyboy - Australia

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

I agree, your life sucks

38736

You deserved it

8634

Tweet

Share

By SqueakingRetard - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45183

You deserved it

6178

Tweet

Share

By inpain - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15247

You deserved it

40512

Tweet

Share

By HellisLikeTheDMV - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10648

You deserved it

27175

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4048

You deserved it

290

Tweet

Share

By WhoDoYouLove6208 - United States

Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44720

You deserved it

2530

Tweet

Share

By allwaysbuggedinheaven - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61287

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45325

You deserved it

5538

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6027

You deserved it

506

Tweet

Share

By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37625

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36898

You deserved it

3573

Tweet

Share

By

Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3176

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40043

You deserved it

2984

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3713

You deserved it

341

Tweet

Share

By Mark - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48592

You deserved it

8750

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40235

You deserved it

3455

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xwendifferx | 16

#6152807 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:10

You should've looked at the sign on the door. Most public restroom have one.

By Tooorrriii3 | 22

#6152810 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:12

You didn't even check the signs..?

COMMENTS

By xwendifferx | 16

#6152807 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:10

You should've looked at the sign on the door. Most public restroom have one.

Reply

californiapoppy | 11

#6152848 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:40

And why would your dad be in the ladies room?

Reply

shutupshane12 | 12

#6152897 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 11:16

He was probably outside the restrooms dumby

Reply

DorLeon | 14

#6153038 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 15:35

dont know texas but in holland some places just written it ( without sign ) as "heren" and "damen" which was quite problem for me cauz i dont know dutch

Reply

Mysterious_one | 20

#6153287 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 22:12

try and read the signs when you have diarrhea eh

By ____gerard____ | 11

#6152809 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:11

*insert molestermoon*

By Tooorrriii3 | 22

#6152810 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:12

You didn't even check the signs..?

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6152849 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:41

OP did check the signs. Too bad the two signs were "this is the correct restroom" and the other one was "the other one is a lie". Really weird they would put that on a restroom sign though.

Reply

timakinz | 21

#6152946 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 13:06

I don't understand how everyone seems to be okay with the fact that the girl's response was to slap the guy just for entering there.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6152973 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 13:54

Girls always seem to resort to slapping for some reason. In the most unjustified situations as well. But then it's some awful thing if a guy were to slap a girl.

Let's just all keep our hands to ourselves.

Reply

dsw144 | 18

#6153009 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 14:43

he did read the signs. at first he was going into the mens room, but when his dad told him it was the wrong one, he believed him and went to the only other door.

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6153041 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 15:38

yeah, whoever slapped him is definitely a bitch...

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6153142 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 18:33

I don't know why she'd slap him. If it's a single bathroom she should've locked the door. If it's a public bathroom set up there are stalls so you can't see anything anyway.

By LadyDerps | 10

#6152812 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:13

Dad strikes again

Reply

Allison_leah23 | 17

#6153088 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 16:57

So did the woman in the ladies room

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6152816 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:16

my dad would have laughed at me.

Reply

firefox9778 | 20

#6153152 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 19:02

Oh, I don't think OP will be hearing the end of this one!

By Roskosity | 22

#6152817 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:17

I'd have been pissed.

Eh?

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6152999 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 14:24

No

Reply

Mysterious_one | 20

#6153282 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 22:03

and it smell like... pisssssssssssssssss

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6152821 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:18

Dads not being dads...

Reply

americanafrican | 32

#6152881 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 10:42

dad's being the best dad he can be

By IvyOswin | 17

#6152822 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:18

Better a slap than pepper spray!

Reply

CoGhostRider | 31

#6152908 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 11:54

Way better

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6152823 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

DJviper_fml | 5

#6152874 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 10:32

congrats. you've just hit the high end of low.

Reply

Mysterious_one | 20

#6153284 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 22:05

#19 Cmon man.. #9 comment is
hilarious

By Mauskau | 35

#6152824 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 9:19

Ignore your parents and read the signs. If people can troll you, they will.