Intimacy: Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many... - FML

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 2 706

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Same thing different taste

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 454

You deserved it 3 032

By scarlet - 09/05/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 890

You deserved it 3 408

By annabellatrix - 14/09/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Spicy

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 636

You deserved it 2 403

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 186

You deserved it 351

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Spicy

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 918

You deserved it 3 356

By missprude666 - 19/01/2012 08:32 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 188

You deserved it 4 493

New creepypasta

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with, "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 096

You deserved it 4 078

By bridezilla - 05/07/2009 04:12 - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 482

You deserved it 6 852

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 100

You deserved it 2 553

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 207

You deserved it 2 849

Next

Top comments

aardvarkish 15

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:26

I'm all ears

KaylynKicks 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:26

oooooo sexy! what a turn on

Comments

zac12345 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:28

failure

SeeBrendenBurn 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:28

Not an FML, unless you didn't like it. But ladies, it's such a turn-on when you let us have fun with whichever bodily hole we can. Especially the ear. Although there is a slight chance of hearing loss, ear sex is fun and pleasurable for both members of intercourse.

brieanna101 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:29

CREEP OLD DUDE!!! haha take his cane and shove it up his ass!

mathew56765 8

Tuesday 14 January 2014 17:00

He might like that

ktbird 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:29

I agree, kick to the groin. Also if your transit has a police force, keep em on speed dial. Threaten to call the cops if he doesn't stop. In Dallas at least our train/bus system has it's own police.

BrownSugar_fml 5

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:30

damn

Colts1018 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:30

sucks

mama2b3 20

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:31

grosssss

xHabsfanx 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:34

Is that a rhetorical question?

kazumaslayer666 3

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:31

I find that very disturbing but shows you even pedo/creepy old men take initiative and look in more places than the Internet for booty. fyl sorry you had to listen to all that.

mfmylifesrsly 29

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:32

Matt makes me laugh simply because his username matches the suggestions he makes.

ouchthatsux 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:32

every old person that has been involved in an fml is epic win

ImaginaryFoe 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:40

OP's name is an epic win.

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Keywords

Music Cute Love Work Coworkers TMI Gross Racism Kids Customers Scary Geek Technology Gamers Neighbours Miscellaneous Relatable DIY Social Media Ironic Cheating Sex Awkward Insects Animals Health Insurance Money Plumbing Farts

The Top

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 904

You deserved it 74 239

Today, I got home and found out that, because of a burst pipe in their house, my husband's brother's family had moved in. They agreed to only smoke outside, but it’s on their clothes so the house already stinks of cigarettes, and their kids have already broken two things, a plate and the fridge door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 75

The Top

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 028

You deserved it 5 418

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 636

You deserved it 46 470

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 836

You deserved it 15 513

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 1 983

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 140

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 425