Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
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Top comments
NoWayLady 13
Paranormal activity 6?
pinkalicious224 7
Call someone to come pick him up. Then you and your husband can get well and clean up the messes he made.
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Comments (122)
JuliannVo 11
*bang bang bang* at the end, you would leave the bathroom. >.<
gader 3
You ate without him...
captain__jj 5
Dinner date?
Bombenmaedel 3
How did you post this while being in the bathroom?
usnwife 18
I don't always have someone to watch my kids when im sick, but I do have baby gates and keep their room safe, so just lock them in their room with some toys... Never EVER do I give my 3 year old run of the house without close supervision!!
zombiekitten87 12
You should probably not leave your three year old unattended....
zen1979 16
Two toilets in one bathroom? I guess it possible...
captain__jj 5
Or maybe two bathrooms?
zen1979 16
That would make more sense lol the way it's written it lends itself to the assumption that its the same bathroom
Angelrose2004 17
What about carrying around a small trash can and turning on some cartoons for the little guy? Sounds like it'd work to me.
MrSarary 26
Solid parenting :D
Gabilliam 19
You left a three year old to his own devices just because you're sick? Get a bucket and use it for your various bodily expulsions, rather than leave a toddler on his own.
nubnibbler 4
You wrote the FML in between dreading the results of the numerous wild noises your wanton kid is making and fighting for space with your husband over puking in the toilet? You are a dedicated FML-er