Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML
Today, my wife asked me to smack her ass as a sign of affection, so I did, she liked it, and we had sex. This afternoon I walked past and smacked her ass again. I now have a bruised eye, ringing in my left ear, and a severe warning to never do that again. Why? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML
Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
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Top comments
gc327072 31
OP's wife used ring slap It's super effective!
TurtleSmile 14
Sounds like she has been wanting to hit you for some time and was just waiting for permission.
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Comments (117)
CuriousAlien 7
Ouch! Don't worry, you'll laugh at this in a couple of weeks......maybe months.....probably years......
loopsy_fml 14
Or maybe never
TurtleSmile 14
Sounds like she has been wanting to hit you for some time and was just waiting for permission.
zandalee 20
I agree. Maybe this is the same guy who enjoys calling his wife a ****...
daliagrande 17
Well you asked for it.
meow234 6
Which cheek?
ciumegu 6
Kinky sex never hurts tho...
MelTheGreat 23
Unless it's anal.
klovemachine 24
Brown-eye girl :D
freshberries22 17
I think there's a safety word for that. Anyway tough break op next time be a little more specific on the types of hits you want to receive. Some people need specific instructions and clearly this was not her first time being a dominatrix. Aside from the fact that she almost maimed you, you now you have a funny story to talk about later on in life.
sicksadworld1317 30
Actually, it seems this was her first time being a Dominatrix. Had she any decent experience, she would have thought of the safety concerns before slapping and injuring him.
RedPillSucks 33
The safety word would have been "ouch!! Mutha f!!!!"
frogcement 2
BANANA! BANANA BANANA!!! LOL
teresee 8
Way to kill the mood
bestnameright 14
Seems like she'd be good at Egyptian Rat Screw.... "Owwww what the hell! No rings!" "You said you were supposed to slap the deck and your hand was on it...!"
dustbunny416 0
Haha! I love that game!
srgspartan117 8
Woot! More people who if I some how meet them somewhere randomly I know I can has entertainment playing that game!!! Have 20 diff kinds but rat skrew is by far the funniest...... Especially when they loose hahaha
PipingMouse 14
Wow OP's wife had a grudge. She was obviously waiting for a full-out smack down.
demo29 0
ouch thats gta hurt! OP isnt gna get in that mood for a while...
hannnahmarie 14
Please learn how to use proper grammar!