Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML
Today, my wife asked me to smack her ass as a sign of affection, so I did, she liked it, and we had sex. This afternoon I walked past and smacked her ass again. I now have a bruised eye, ringing in my left ear, and a severe warning to never do that again. Why? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML
Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
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Top comments
gc327072 31
OP's wife used ring slap It's super effective!
TurtleSmile 14
Sounds like she has been wanting to hit you for some time and was just waiting for permission.
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Comments (117)
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
That is some freaky assed shit! What the hell is wrong with you??!!
russfml 31
Lol you may as well label your self a virgin or truly inexperienced in the sack. Just saying
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
I hear what you're saying, Russ... It just struck me as an odd request.
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
What happened to, "Spank me? I've been bad?"
jtown117 8
im assuming she backhanded you with the huge diamond you got her?
LexieWins 0
Doesn't matter, had sex.
mercedesfist 4
That's why I am tender when making love to your wife. Bitch gets out of control quick.
deegeebee 10
Am I the only one who thinks hitting someone during sexy time isn't that adventurous?? or am I just a masochist... but kudos to OP for trying something new!
MakeTodayADTR 20
Your wife may have been pimp in a past life..
SanpakuEyes 18
Were you role playing Tyler Durden?
AliceLockehart 18
The first rule of Fight Club is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.
isamisis 9
Wow, sounds like she's got a good arm on her. Don't ever piss her off!
deadboyparis 3
Careful what you wish for. You most likely deserved it.