Intimacy: Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through....

By theunluckylifeofme - United States - Gilroy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

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Intimacy

Sorry…

Doomed

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

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By uuuuugh - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

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By wardsl195 - United States - Seaford

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

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By young and dumb - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

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By wowjuststop - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

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By princess

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

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By anonymous22kittylicklick - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

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By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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By maybenot - United Kingdom

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

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By pool party - United States - Rockford

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

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By satega - United States - Smithville

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

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By mylifesucks - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

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By notmyfault - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

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By crazycatlady - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while sorting through my deceased mother's hoard of belongings, I found myself holding a necklace composed entirely of teeth. Human teeth. FML

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By somefamily - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

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By a single fuck - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

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By matish

Today, despite having long hair and wearing makeup and a dress, I was still mistaken for a man several times. I'm a girl and I was born a girl. FML

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By bobafett892 - United States - Atlanta

Today, while working at a cell phone store, I helped an older woman learn how to use her newly updated phone. After trying to help her for over 20 minutes, she threatened to throw her phone at my head. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent five hours in the back seat of a car with two dogs. Both had been sprayed by a skunk earlier in the day. One had a gas problem. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

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By hazyshadows - 18/3/2020 17:02 - United States - Edmond

Too many cooks, etc.

Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

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By isuckatlife - United States

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

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By jadkins - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of 2 years called and proposed to her. FML

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By lonelyandcold - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

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By Scott - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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By A bit cowardly?

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - United States - Salida

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

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By messyfamily - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

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By nayahbear24 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

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By my patience is starting to crack

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

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By brokebitch

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

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By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

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By Ted, E. Vic - United States

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

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By killer - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

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By babymomma - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML

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Top comments

By StzaCrack666 | 18

#5554541 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

never heard the term "sex nose" before. i might have to use it now

By fsomelife | 26

#5554557 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:30

At least he didn't sneeze...

COMMENTS

By fabs1171 | 23

#5554539 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:23

Thats just plain nasty!

Pwn17 | 25

#5554566 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:35

Seriously, who the fuck does that in front of a drive thru window?

thatkidhesh | 11

#5554616 - Thursday 27 June 2013 8:01

people have the balls to do some cray stuff these days.

Damian95 | 16

#5554647 - Thursday 27 June 2013 8:09

Oh... You're NOT supposed to do that in the drive through? Shit...

evilscorpi | 29

#5554769 - Thursday 27 June 2013 10:09

I work at bk and I'm glad I haven't seen any crazy shit like that....yet

SuperDanielNL | 23

#5554964 - Thursday 27 June 2013 13:38

Who calls a penis a sex-nose? That eufemism disturbs me the most.

botanistjessica | 24

#5555026 - Thursday 27 June 2013 14:59

Yeah, I don't like sex-nose either. I don't know why posting an FML requires coming up with some off-the-wall names for people/things.

hellobobismyname | 24

#5555070 - Thursday 27 June 2013 16:04

I think maybe OP meant sex hose.. That makes more sense, although it's really not that much better.

ScruffyFML | 10

#5555206 - Thursday 27 June 2013 17:38

If that was me, I'd grab a note and write the site to some penis enlargement site then gently pass him the note with a smile.

KaylaTackett | 18

#5555263 - Thursday 27 June 2013 18:31

69 likes haha

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5555431 - Thursday 27 June 2013 20:21

Oh, the McDonald's drive-thru? Yeah I remember you. You got our order wrong.

SwaggCapone | 11

#5559572 - Sunday 30 June 2013 21:02

time to "accidentally" spill a ice cold drink in his lap

By JoeGrant | 12

#5554540 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

For you it was just awkward. Don't worry so much, OP, you probably won't ever see them again anyway. Lighten up!

ouimetnick | 10

#5554545 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:25

He was giggling. He didn't seem embarrassed to me.

JoeGrant | 12

#5554547 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:26

Misread it at first.

NeatNit | 32

#5554822 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:15

actually, no, I don't get this one at all. so fucking what? clearly they're doing something, those two. what's that got to do with you? your comment made perfect sense to me.

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5554842 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:42

I agree. OP probably wouldn't even recognize the guy if they saw him again, what with all the people someone working a drive-thru sees.

By StzaCrack666 | 18

#5554541 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

never heard the term "sex nose" before. i might have to use it now

Caitie_kid | 8

#5554613 - Thursday 27 June 2013 8:00

Yeah, until I read "fully erect", all I was thinking was "what the hell is a sex-nose??" Lol.

Epikouros | 31

#5554761 - Thursday 27 June 2013 9:56

N00bz! It was used on FML before, in the illustration for the guy who got his sex-nose caught when closing his laptop.

Wait, why am I proud to know this?

dontpanic_fml | 32

#5554936 - Thursday 27 June 2013 13:01

Perhaps she got it from the Futurama human horn episode. If not, she just has a creative mind for naming things I guess...

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#5555291 - Thursday 27 June 2013 18:58

I was thinking Duce Bigalow...

tacojauns | 45

#5555316 - Thursday 27 June 2013 19:10

Really guys It's obviously from Clockwork Orange

IworkAt711 | 14

#5555377 - Thursday 27 June 2013 19:40

Or Chris Fehn of Slipknot

By bgibbz | 15

#5554542 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

Is he having fries with that shake?

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554543 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:25

Drive-thru people do not get paid enough to put up with that shit. Sorry, OP

teamo2192 | 4

#5555632 - Friday 28 June 2013 0:04

trust me i feel you. kfc/taco bell does not pay enough to deal with all the unruliness and bad attitudes of the customers. inside or drive thru

By astralvagan | 20

#5554544 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:25

If it were me, I would have poured hot coffee on it/him.... But that's why I don't work in drive thru... I hope you can wash that image from your mind OP