Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through....

By theunluckylifeofme - 26/6/2013 20:33 - United States - Gilroy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

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Intimacy

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By seriouslylife? - 26/9/2018 03:00

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

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By tatatest - 6/4/2012 03:02 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

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By oh no - 6/6/2016 15:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

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By bleurghh - 31/12/2011 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

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By whatevershit - 13/5/2012 06:28 - United States - Theodore

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

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By pacificbeach - 2/3/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

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By fml9124 - 20/9/2019 14:00

Hidden

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

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By Porche - 12/11/2015 16:24 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

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By STUPID BIRTHDAY - 5/3/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

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By seriously - 20/4/2009 23:05 - Canada

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

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By Shoes - 12/6/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

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By trooper93 - 18/1/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

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By Australian Lifeguard - 22/10/2014 03:18 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

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By andy1r - 7/10/2011 06:41 - Bolivia

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

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By iamrose - 13/6/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

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By loser - 20/7/2009 22:39 - Canada

Today, I was testing out my new webcam on an msn Video Call with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In an attempt to look cool, I pretended to have a very interesting phone conversation. Later I found out my webcam has a mic. She "heard" the whole thing. FML

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By xoVioLoveox - 10/3/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

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By ugly - 31/8/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2015 05:38 - United States - Brenham

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

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By yes i meant ex-boyfriend - 18/1/2014 21:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

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By thatfatkid - 10/8/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

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By faul - 26/9/2020 05:02 - United States

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 02:39 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

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By webperson04 - 27/7/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

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By btg - 6/2/2010 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2018 14:30

Today, after my live-in boyfriend decided to take a few days away due to a fight, I found out he's been staying with and sleeping with my aunt. I just lost a relative and a man all in one shot. FML

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By obnum - 18/4/2013 14:37 - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

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By HighasaCloud - 30/4/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

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By thanksnicksparks - 11/6/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

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By zarko - 14/2/2017 14:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

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By veggiegal - 13/2/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

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By Daniel - 27/6/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

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By bloodshedblack - 21/2/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

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By mala_19 - 18/3/2020 20:14 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Follow the instructions

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. When I took it out, a big chunk of dog hair came with it. I think I'm too grossed out to ever use it again. FML

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By Thank you, exactly what I wanted Sergeant - 21/8/2016 13:53

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

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By Molly - 14/11/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I wore my cool new shirt with an oriental character on it to class. The Chinese TA burst into laughter and told me the shirt read, "I am a sad, pathetic person." FML

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Top comments

By StzaCrack666 | 18

#5554541 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

never heard the term "sex nose" before. i might have to use it now

By fsomelife | 26

#5554557 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:30

At least he didn't sneeze...

COMMENTS

By fabs1171 | 23

#5554539 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:23

Thats just plain nasty!

Pwn17 | 25

#5554566 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:35

Seriously, who the fuck does that in front of a drive thru window?

thatkidhesh | 11

#5554616 - Thursday 27 June 2013 8:01

people have the balls to do some cray stuff these days.

Damian95 | 16

#5554647 - Thursday 27 June 2013 8:09

Oh... You're NOT supposed to do that in the drive through? Shit...

evilscorpi | 29

#5554769 - Thursday 27 June 2013 10:09

I work at bk and I'm glad I haven't seen any crazy shit like that....yet

SuperDanielNL | 23

#5554964 - Thursday 27 June 2013 13:38

Who calls a penis a sex-nose? That eufemism disturbs me the most.

botanistjessica | 24

#5555026 - Thursday 27 June 2013 14:59

Yeah, I don't like sex-nose either. I don't know why posting an FML requires coming up with some off-the-wall names for people/things.

hellobobismyname | 24

#5555070 - Thursday 27 June 2013 16:04

I think maybe OP meant sex hose.. That makes more sense, although it's really not that much better.

ScruffyFML | 10

#5555206 - Thursday 27 June 2013 17:38

If that was me, I'd grab a note and write the site to some penis enlargement site then gently pass him the note with a smile.

KaylaTackett | 18

#5555263 - Thursday 27 June 2013 18:31

69 likes haha

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5555431 - Thursday 27 June 2013 20:21

Oh, the McDonald's drive-thru? Yeah I remember you. You got our order wrong.

SwaggCapone | 11

#5559572 - Sunday 30 June 2013 21:02

time to "accidentally" spill a ice cold drink in his lap

By JoeGrant | 12

#5554540 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

For you it was just awkward. Don't worry so much, OP, you probably won't ever see them again anyway. Lighten up!

ouimetnick | 10

#5554545 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:25

He was giggling. He didn't seem embarrassed to me.

JoeGrant | 12

#5554547 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:26

Misread it at first.

NeatNit | 32

#5554822 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:15

actually, no, I don't get this one at all. so fucking what? clearly they're doing something, those two. what's that got to do with you? your comment made perfect sense to me.

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5554842 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:42

I agree. OP probably wouldn't even recognize the guy if they saw him again, what with all the people someone working a drive-thru sees.

By StzaCrack666 | 18

#5554541 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

never heard the term "sex nose" before. i might have to use it now

Caitie_kid | 8

#5554613 - Thursday 27 June 2013 8:00

Yeah, until I read "fully erect", all I was thinking was "what the hell is a sex-nose??" Lol.

Epikouros | 31

#5554761 - Thursday 27 June 2013 9:56

N00bz! It was used on FML before, in the illustration for the guy who got his sex-nose caught when closing his laptop.

Wait, why am I proud to know this?

dontpanic_fml | 32

#5554936 - Thursday 27 June 2013 13:01

Perhaps she got it from the Futurama human horn episode. If not, she just has a creative mind for naming things I guess...

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#5555291 - Thursday 27 June 2013 18:58

I was thinking Duce Bigalow...

tacojauns | 45

#5555316 - Thursday 27 June 2013 19:10

Really guys It's obviously from Clockwork Orange

IworkAt711 | 14

#5555377 - Thursday 27 June 2013 19:40

Or Chris Fehn of Slipknot

By bgibbz | 15

#5554542 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:24

Is he having fries with that shake?

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554543 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:25

Drive-thru people do not get paid enough to put up with that shit. Sorry, OP

teamo2192 | 4

#5555632 - Friday 28 June 2013 0:04

trust me i feel you. kfc/taco bell does not pay enough to deal with all the unruliness and bad attitudes of the customers. inside or drive thru

By astralvagan | 20

#5554544 - Thursday 27 June 2013 7:25

If it were me, I would have poured hot coffee on it/him.... But that's why I don't work in drive thru... I hope you can wash that image from your mind OP