Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife... - FML

By stifledbyyou - 12/12/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

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Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Assumptions

Night terrors

By Scarred - 4/4/2012 03:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

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By allycat - 25/7/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

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By Eddy - 14/3/2015 03:27 - United States - Mountain Pine

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

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By hahahah111 - 25/5/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

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By Ulysse - 1/1/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML

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By neveragain - 12/2/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

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By not eyelid - 20/9/2016 19:53 - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

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By confused - 7/4/2013 14:51 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2016 06:11 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 11:23 - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2017 06:00

Today, I moved back to a small town after 4 years in the city. I was looking forward to getting away from the light pollution until I woke up in the middle of the night, peered into the pitch black void above my head, and had a panic attack. I need a night light at 23. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2019 02:01

Whack-a-Mole

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

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By Mayabie - 16/10/2011 21:08 - France

Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML

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By lowlife123 - 1/5/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

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By abusedparrot - 24/8/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

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By im_radd - 21/1/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 15:57 - Canada

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

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By - 27/2/2020 20:00

Completely wet

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

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By Pierce - 5/6/2009 16:56 - United States

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

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By anonymous - 7/3/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

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By notababymama - 7/2/2010 17:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

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By Wtf - 10/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:24 - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

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By tool - 9/4/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

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By burnnotice - 19/9/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

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By Strainer - 23/5/2015 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

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By Shaz - 24/8/2019 06:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I accidentally pulled out six of my eyelashes. It's noticeable. Very noticeable. FML

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By lexithepirate - 27/7/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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By ewww - 3/4/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

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By Poorphone - 8/12/2016 17:23 - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

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By tyrettes - 11/8/2019 20:00

Today, I started a new yard maintenance job. Before the day had even ended, I got fired, because I apparently didn’t have enough experience, and I moved too slowly. It was supposed to be my training day. FML

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By how the fuck did this happen?! - 11/9/2018 04:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I found out that even after having had my tubes tied, I am in fact pregnant. I have an 8-month-old son and his father just remarried another woman 2 months ago. Neither of them believe that the new baby is his. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2014 18:49 - United States - Springfield

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

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By noneofthesex - 10/2/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

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By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

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By fresh single - 3/4/2016 07:53 - United States - Pomona

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

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By KyngJulian - 23/4/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

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By fun in functioning, I suppose - 20/1/2015 19:54 - United States - Starkville

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

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Top comments

By caseyc | 0

#1832470 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:32

The real FML here is that you work at McDonalds. FYL

By ForEverShley | 0

#1832466 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:32

This made me giggle.

COMMENTS

By Javalounge | 0

#1832464 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:32

Awkward.... O.o

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1832711 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:04

sooo I suppose asking to supersize him would also be out of the question as well...

Reply

11colio11 | 4

#1832740 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:11

So your life is fucked because you accidentally made a sexual innuendo. Who cares what his wife did, you didnt do anything wrong. The only question that remains is: did you fix his sundae?

Reply

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1833018 - Sunday 12 December 2010 12:16

well. since she gave you the death stare you should have grabbed his nuts. it's just the right thing to do.

Reply

blankaex | 0

#1833381 - Sunday 12 December 2010 16:18

That's what she said.

Reply

hollee | 0

#1833569 - Sunday 12 December 2010 17:17

I mean, did you stare at his package, smile, and wink when you said it? Then YDI, you whore!!!

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1833681 - Sunday 12 December 2010 17:45

For the wife to be angry at that means she feels threatened. maybe hubby is a cheater or she's not pleasing him.

Reply

Pinkgal123 | 24

#5582353 - Tuesday 16 July 2013 2:41

Is that a joke 76?

By ForEverShley | 0

#1832466 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:32

This made me giggle.

Reply

danishbagel | 3

#1833714 - Sunday 12 December 2010 17:58

Yeah... poor choice of words OP.

Reply

windergirl6 | 0

#1836455 - Monday 13 December 2010 9:32

totally :p

Reply

Sansa_fml | 38

#6269944 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 22:01

Haha yeah, that's just genius. His wife might not agree but I think it is.

By caseyc | 0

#1832470 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:32

The real FML here is that you work at McDonalds. FYL

Reply

welldeserved | 0

#1832498 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:34

HAHAH! Lmfao. So true.

Reply

TheGreatNite | 0

#1832808 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:37

lol I agree

Reply

Mirorbo | 26

#1832825 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:48

You have to start somewhere, darling. And in this economy, some may not even have much choice.

Reply

abc1231 | 2

#1832896 - Sunday 12 December 2010 11:27

oh come on.. at least she got a job and she's earning her own money..

Reply

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1833030 - Sunday 12 December 2010 12:18

yeah at least she's not working the corners. although the money is probably better.

Reply

nwkegan | 0

#1833164 - Sunday 12 December 2010 12:52

You'd know, #50.

(Couldn't help myself :P)

Reply

josebeto1 | 6

#1833242 - Sunday 12 December 2010 15:00

lol win.

Reply

justin1104 | 0

#1833276 - Sunday 12 December 2010 15:23

u r so bitchy. u shouldn't laugh at people's jobs

Reply

rileysmileydog | 0

#1833284 - Sunday 12 December 2010 15:27

Well, fml because you think you are better than fast food workers.

Reply

blankaex | 0

#1833384 - Sunday 12 December 2010 16:20

If no one workes at McDonald's, who'd serve you your daily 31 Big Macs?

Reply

KiaMaster | 0

#1834159 - Sunday 12 December 2010 20:05

this girl accidently asked my boyfriend 'do u want balls with that' and hey, everyone was laughing. I think adding a joke is ok once and awhile. she should have given the nuts to the wife and been like 'here you can have them back, I've had my fun'

Reply

AMCProbz | 7

#5876053 - Wednesday 5 March 2014 6:46

Well if she's between 16 and 22 she's doing better than many unemployed adults, so she's good

By armandoX113 | 0

#1832483 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:33

lmaooo

By CollegeGirl2010 | 0

#1832495 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:33

haha that's funny :D

By pinkp909 | 8

#1832502 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:35

hahahahah that's awesome! I wouldn't have given you a death glare, I would have just laughed!

Reply

MrsLender_fml | 3

#1832747 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:13

seriously, how old is the wife, 10 years old?

Reply

Healtopia | 0

#1832773 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:20

#30 the question is how mature is she?

Reply

miraggg | 1

#1833297 - Sunday 12 December 2010 15:37

seriously though, the average mcdonalds worker is like 15. the fact that the wife is offended by that is so immature

Reply

jenzilla | 0

#1834702 - Sunday 12 December 2010 23:44

agreed!

Reply

loveyouall81 | 2

#1838081 - Monday 13 December 2010 16:23

wow pink, you loom fabulous. would you like to chat?

By dramaa | 0

#1832504 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:35

I really lol'd. gj Op!

By underguarded | 20

#1832514 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:36

No wonder they were getting sundaes.
if that's what she's like at McDonalds, imagine her at home.

By ShadowluigiXxP | 0

#1832516 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:36

U want pubs with that order?

Reply

gabygirl97 | 0

#1841246 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:58

lmfao

Reply

Sgt_Minty | 0

#3175498 - Thursday 25 August 2011 2:52

That's not funny, nor is it gramaticaly correct...

By JustKeepBreathin | 0

#1832528 - Sunday 12 December 2010 9:37

LOL but the wife is kind of overprotective to immediately think of that meaning in stead of what you actually meant.